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Welcome to episode one of the Fixing Separation Anxiety podcast.

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Hello and welcome to the Be Right Back Separation Anxiety podcast.

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Hi, I'm Julie Naismith, dog trainer, author, and full-on separation anxiety geek.

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I've helped thousands of dogs overcome separation anxiety with my books,

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my online programs, my trainer certification, and my Separation Anxiety training app.

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And this podcast is all about sharing my tips and tricks to help you

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teach your dog how to be happy at home alone too.

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Well, hello there and welcome to the very first episode of the Fixing Separation Anxiety podcast.

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So this week I'm going to talk to you about a light bulb moment. What do I mean by that?

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Well, those are the moments where you just know, you just suddenly realize,

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or you have your worst suspicions confirmed, that your dog has separation anxiety. And I

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think we've all had those moments. I recently posted this question in my Facebook group.

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If you haven't joined that Facebook group, I really encourage you to do so because it's full

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of resources and tips from other pet parents, trainers, and people just going through what

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you're going through. So the address for that is www.subterrestrialtraining.com forward slash

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Facebook. Okay. Those light bulb moments. I posted this question recently in the group and

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it was really fascinating to see how many different types of light bulb moments there were.

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For me, it was the neighbor scenario. And I think lots of you resonated with that. What do I mean

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by that? That moment when you get a note under the door, or maybe you get a message from your

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landlord, or maybe it's just a quiet word. It would be nice if it was just a quiet word from

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your neighbor. Usually it's a note or an email or something from a third party telling you that

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your dog's been barking all day. Now I know when that happened to me, it was definitely a light

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bulb moment of, yeah, this is as bad as I thought it might be. This is my dog, Percy. He wasn't

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barking all day, by the way. He was just barking for as long as we go out. That sounds awful saying

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that now. As most of you know, who work with me, or if you work with separation anxiety,

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you'll know that leaving them to bark it out is absolutely not what we do. But there's me

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with a dog who is barking for as long as we leave him. Now this was way back when. I wasn't

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a trainer at this stage. Percy was a baby and very new to the household. My other dog, India,

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was absolutely fine when we left. So when my neighbor told me that my dog was barking, first

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off, I knew it was Percy. I didn't think it was India. I suspected that there was something going

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on with him. But then I was like, well, if it's that bad, if the neighbors are that concerned

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about it, then I have got a really big issue. So for me, that light bulb moment was confirming

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my worst fears, if you like. And I saw that when I posted on the group. I saw that lots of you

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said the same thing. It was not that you didn't have your suspicions about separation anxiety,

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but you're kind of waiting for that one thing to really, really nail it and say, yep, this is

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definitely separation anxiety. You were hoping, I guess, it would go away or it wasn't what you

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suspected it was. You were hoping it would all just be fine. People described coming back to

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a house that's destroyed, but beyond kind of normal dog chewing stuff. When separation anxiety

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dogs destroy, it's destruction with serious intent. So people would come back to that.

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Other things people said on the post was coming back to their house having been soiled and just

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not understanding it. Because actually, usually what happens with a dog who has separation anxiety,

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if they're going to soil, then they usually house train the rest of the time. So light bulb moment

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for people coming back saying, well, what the heck is going on? Why is this happening while I'm out

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of the house? Other people describe less of an instantaneous, oh my goodness, I never knew this

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was going on moment, but more of a, yeah, I had been wondering if there was something awry, but

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now that I see that she's hurt herself, she's ripped her nails and her teeth while I've been

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out, I know this isn't normal dog stuff. So as separation anxiety owners, we all had those

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moments where there's really no going back at that point. You know your dog has separation anxiety,

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you know it's not normal, and it's time to do something about it. Way back when, like I said,

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I wasn't a trainer, had a dog with separation anxiety, and luckily a dog who was perfectly

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fine on her own. What was I supposed to do? Well, being the type that I am, I decided to

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do as much research as possible. The first idea that I came across, it was all down to me not

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showing leadership, that my dog Percy considered me to be his baby. I know, follow me on this one,

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follow me on this one, I bought into it a few years ago, don't laugh at me. So naturally,

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if he sees me as his baby, all I need to do is show him that I'm not his baby. Okay,

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how do I do that then? Well, the theory went, I need to do things like go out of the door first,

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eat before him. I mean, seriously, I had to get a plate with food and do this thing where I ate,

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and then he watched me, and then I could eat. Yeah, no, no, seriously, this was a fix for

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separation anxiety, trust me. And then I had to do the ignoring thing. Now, any of you who've

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tried to ignore your dog when you come in, or even just when you move around the house,

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how difficult is that? With most separation anxiety dogs, they don't just want your company,

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they don't just want your attention. As Dr. Karen Overall says, they need your attention.

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They are so desperate to have some contact with you that you try ignoring them, give it a go.

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Some dogs will be okay with it, but I tell you what, a lot of separation anxiety dogs,

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if you try and ignore them, it just ain't happening. So anyway, I tried all of that.

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Needless to say, it didn't make a jot of difference. Not one bit of difference did any

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of that make. That immediately said to me, oh, it can't be that he thinks I'm his baby. That

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just doesn't add up. So I threw that theory out of the window, and then off I went and tried to

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look into it, what I came across and how I knew that that was the right method to use.

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But yeah, lightbulb moments, the point at which there's no going back, you know your dog's got

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separation anxiety and you have to do something to fix it. The other side to lightbulb moments

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is not just that logical, okay, I've got this problem, I need to resolve it. It's almost a

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punch in the stomach. I can feel my stomach knotting up at that emotion, going back to that

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point where I just had this realization that this dog was in a really bad place. So I still

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feel the tension from that lightbulb moment. And I'm sure many of you have been through that too.

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Oh, it's tough, right? You thought you'd got a normal dog. You have this dog with something

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unbelievably off the charts abnormal going on. So what is separation anxiety? Let's do a quick

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reminder. So as we're going through this podcast, we're on the same page. Remember that it's a panic

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disorder. It's really important to keep that in mind when you're thinking about separation anxiety.

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It's a phobia. So your dog has this morbid fear of being on his own when you go out of the house.

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For the vast majority of dogs, separation anxiety means they get really upset when they're on their

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own. But as long as a human is with them, then they're fine. And actually, some dogs who get

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anxious on their own can even be comforted by another, let's call it creature, another companion

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in the house, sometimes a dog, sometimes a cat. And that's quite rare. Normally, what happens

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with separation anxiety dogs is they need another human in the house. Luckily, it doesn't have to be

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you. And it doesn't have to be in the house. Most separation anxiety dogs do really well in daycare

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or with a dog sitter. So that's separation anxiety. A dog has this fear of being on his own.

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If you look at the definition of a phobia in a human, you'll often hear the words irrational.

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So phobias are described as irrational fears. So if you're frightened of spiders, what are you

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really frightened of? In most countries of the world, there aren't many spiders that will kill

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you. And huge apologies to anybody who doesn't like spiders and can't even bear me talking about

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them. At least I'm not going to put a picture up. But you'll hear phobias described as irrational.

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With a dog, I think we can't say it's irrational. We can't say, oh, don't be so silly. As far as

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we know, oh, and by the way, if you've got a phobia of spiders, I wouldn't tell you that's

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silly either. Phobias are very, very real. So I don't like the term irrational. And if we use the

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term irrational fear for a dog, well, how do we know that our dogs don't think the world is about

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to end because you stepped outside the door? It could be totally real for them. Now, there are

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some dogs who are only okay with one person or maybe one or two people. They can't be comforted

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at home by just anybody. It has to be the owner or it has to be the owner, the family. Luckily,

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there aren't as many dogs who fall into that category, but there are some. So that's separation

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anxiety. You've got to keep in mind when you go out, the stuff that your dog gets up to is a

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result of panic, fear, anxiety, stress, whatever. It is not, definitely not, your dog being bad.

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We used to think that. We used to think that when you went out and your dog got up to stuff,

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it was all about your dog being mad at you for going out. With separation anxiety dogs,

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that is not the case. They are really, really upset that you've gone out. I mean, troubled.

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I mean, beyond just fed up, they are, like I say, in a panic. So how many dogs get separation

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anxiety? Well, it's depending on which research you look at, it's actually quite a large number.

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Some studies would say that up to one in five dogs get separation anxiety. That's a heck of

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a lot of dogs. Funnily enough, though, I don't know about you, but when my dog had separation

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anxiety, I rarely knew anybody. In fact, I don't think I knew anybody at all whose dog had

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separation anxiety. That's one of the reasons why I created the Facebook group, because I thought,

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well, I know there's a ton of owners out there. I work with many of them. But let's connect people

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so that we don't all feel like we're isolated. It's an isolating enough condition as it is,

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so let's not feel even more isolated. So that's what separation anxiety is. We know lots of dogs

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get it. We're not entirely sure why some dogs get it and others don't. Hopefully, we will get to

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know more about that. Next week, I'll be talking about what we currently do know about causes of

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separation anxiety and some of the myths around what absolutely doesn't cause it. If you haven't

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had that light bulb moment and you haven't had it confirmed that your dog has separation anxiety,

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how do you know? How do you know that what's going on when you're out is anxiety, fear and panic? Or

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how do you know if it's just normal dog stuff? Because you've got to remember that lots of dogs

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will get up to stuff, let's say, when you're gone. And we call that separation-related behaviors.

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But it doesn't mean to say that your dog is in a panic. Let's take an example. If you've got

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an eight-month-old working-line gundog who gets 20 minutes off-leash exercise a day,

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and you come home and you find that your sofa and your kitchen cabinets are pretty much toast,

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there's a good chance that that dog just needs more exercise and more stimulation. Because

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eight-month-old field-line working dogs need a ton of stimulation. Stuff that happens when you're

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out doesn't have to be anxiety. So what are you looking for? How do you know? Firstly, there's

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excessive vocalization. And that can be howling, it can be whining, barking, crying. It doesn't

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have to be your dog doing that really sad, plaintive cry that you might hear. Some dogs

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will just do their normal bark, or maybe their normal bark but on steroids. So it doesn't have

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to be a cry, it doesn't have to be a howl, although those definitely can be signs. The key about the

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vocalization is the word excessive. Now obviously excessive is relative, but you're looking for a

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dog that's really persistent with the vocalization. They just don't give up. It really doesn't matter

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how long you're gone for, they will keep going and going and going. And with the destruction,

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that's another key sign. So we talked about the eight-month-old young dog who's just bored and

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destroys. If you come back to destruction, but you can't put it down to boredom, you want to

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also look for where is the dog destroying. So are you seeing signs of destruction around a door frame,

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or maybe around a window, or maybe the door itself. So does it look like your dog has been

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trying to dig a way out? That is such a telltale sign. So destruction that takes place in different

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parts of the house could well still be anxiety, but destruction that takes place around entryways

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is a really classic sign of separation anxiety. And the final big one that we look for is when

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your dog soils, so he pees or he poos in the house, but he's not doing that any other time.

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He only does it when you go out. One thing to be careful of here is, you know, it's human nature.

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If your dog has a house training slip-up and you scold them, lots of people do, and it can be an

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instinctive response. If you do that, your dog can start to think, it's not really very cool to go

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in front of her because she shouts at me. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to make sure that

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she's not around, and then I'm going to go. So they'll go in the house, but they'll just check

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that you're not around. So they might wait until you've gone out, or they might sneak off to other

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parts of the house. If you think your dog's only soiling when you're out, could it be that maybe

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once or twice they've been scolded for it, and now they're doing a sneaky thing of trying to do it

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when you're not around so they don't get into trouble? Remember, dogs don't do motivation like

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we do. They aren't as sinister in their motives as we are. They just think, is it safe? Is it

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dangerous? Does it work for me? Does it not work for me? So with this house training issue, if

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they're worried about going when you're around, either on a walk or in the garden or in the house,

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then they'll wait till you're not around. So just have a check on that. But those are the three big

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signs that we see in separation anxiety dogs that we don't tend to see as often in other dogs who

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are home alone. It's not that home alone dogs who aren't anxious don't do those three biggies,

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it's just that we see them way more often in separation anxiety dogs. So quick recap,

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excessive vocalization, destruction, particularly if it looks like your dog's trying to dig its way

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out, and soiling, especially and primarily if your dog is house trained all of the rest of the time.

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Your dog doesn't have to display all three of these symptoms. It could just be one,

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or it may be none of these, and your dog's separation anxiety may present

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differently. Other things that you might see, so those are the three big ones, but other things

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you might see are pools of drool when you come home, or if you've got a long-haired dog,

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a face that's really, really wet. Any damage to your dog's nails or teeth, does it look like

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they've hurt themselves trying to either escape through a doorway or perhaps through a wall,

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because that seems more logical to them. And also if you are setting up a camera,

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I'll come on to that in a second, you'll see things like excessive vigilance, you'll see

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moving around, pacing, not being able to rest. There are a ton of signs that we can see that

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are more subtle than the big three, so we often look for those other signs in association with

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the big three to really confirm it. And I mentioned camera, so if you haven't had that light bulb

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moment, if you haven't had anybody tell you your dog's barking all day, definitely, definitely

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set up a video camera on your dog if you haven't done already. That's what trainers do. If you come

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to me and you say, I need to find out if it's separation anxiety and I want to fix it, if it is,

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the very first thing we'll do together is set up a camera on your dog, observe your dog and work out

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what's going on when you're out. There's no way of knowing what's going on unless you have that

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camera running. And when I work with pet parents, I find first time they set up the camera,

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they see stuff that they never imagined going on. And in my Facebook group, I see comments from

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people who say we didn't think she had anxiety for a year. She seemed fine. And then when we

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set the camera up, we could see that she wasn't fine. So even if dogs aren't displaying those

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three big signs, there may be other things going on. Or you may live in a house where barking

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doesn't matter and you might not get anybody telling you. So do set up a camera. It can make

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all of the difference. What can you do if you've had that light bulb moment, you've worked out

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separation anxiety? Well, back in the day when I was trying to solve this problem, like I said,

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I tried the method of showing him I was the leader. Oh, and by the way, your dog absolutely

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knows that you're a leader. You control everything in your dog's life. You pay the mortgage for

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goodness sake. You decide when he eats, what he eats, when he goes out, where he plays, who he

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plays with, who can come and approach him, which bed he gets. So you definitely, definitely don't

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need to show him that you're a leader. He knows, he knows who's in charge. Doing all of that stuff

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ain't going to make a bit of difference to separation anxiety. As I found out, I looked

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into so many different things trying to help Percy. I looked at therapies like the thunder shirt,

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like a diffuser that gave off pheromones. I tried things like essential oils. I tried

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homeopathic remedies. Oh my goodness. I tried so many things. I tried natural chews. I tried

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calming tablets, anything, everything. Nothing, nothing worked. Not a single thing made any

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difference at all. It became an incredibly stressful situation. And looking back, it seems

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so incredible that it was that hard to find good information. I think now the problem with

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separation anxiety is there's so much advice, you just don't know where to start. Luckily, eventually,

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and it does feel like luck when I look back on it, I did stumble across the method that I now teach

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and the method that has been proven to be the most successful method for training and treating

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separation anxiety. It's the same method, basically, that we use to treat human phobias.

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It's called gradual exposure. And what we do with a dog is we gradually get him used to being on his

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own, but in tiny steps that he can cope with. That's the thing that works. It's been proven

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time and time again. Research studies show that it works. We've got tons of dogs who've gone

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through the process and have come out the other side, happy, home alone. If you've ever tried

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doing that and decided it didn't work, well, there are certain things that you need to do that make

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it work. First off, you have to go at the dog's pace, and that can be so slow. Oh, my goodness.

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But you've got to remember that we're not teaching a dog to sit. We're changing his emotion. We're

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helping him get over an emotional trauma. There is no set time to how long it takes to get over

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that emotional trauma. And we all know, don't we, that those things don't rectify themselves quickly.

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You don't get over a really big emotional trauma in a week. It takes much longer. That's why

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desensitization, which is the fancy name for gradual exposure, that's why the training can

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seem like it's not working, because it takes a long time. And while we're training, we have to

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keep our dogs comfortable, so they have to be happy with every single alone time. So every

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single time you go out, they have to be okay. We can't leave them for longer than they are comfortable

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with. And that's the other big pitfall and the other mistake that we all make. I know I did.

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When we're doing this training, we do the training, we're keeping him nice and comfortable, we're

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doing very short departures, and then on another day, we'll go and leave them. And we leave them

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for longer than they can cope with because we've got to go to work or we have an appointment to go

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to. But here's the thing. The gradual exposure, that desensitization training gives a message

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that being on your own is safe. Here's a tiny amount of being on your own. Can you handle that?

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Oh yeah, I'm great, says the dog. If we then mix the message and leave them for way longer than

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they can cope with, the dog is not going to learn. He's not going to learn that being on his own is

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safe, which of course leaves us with a huge problem. How can we possibly get him over

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separation anxiety when we just don't have any way of not leaving him for longer than he can

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cope with? You know, it's crazy trainer talk, right? To say, well, the way to get your dog

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over separation anxiety is not to leave him. But wait a minute, if you could not leave your dog,

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then separation anxiety wouldn't be a problem. But think of it like this. That whole concept of

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trying not to leave him for longer than he can cope with, that's temporary. Okay, that's temporary

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while you train him to be safe on his own, to be happy on his own. Once you get him to a place where

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he's comfortable on his own, you can get your life back. You can stop using dog sitters and

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dog walkers and daycare and friends and family and anybody who will help. That stuff is temporary

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if you do the training and if you don't leave him for longer than he can cope with.

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So it might seem ridiculous now, but if you can stick with those two rules of keeping him under

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his threshold, going at his pace, number one, and number two, not ever leaving him for longer than

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he can cope with while he's learning it safe, then this process works for the vast majority of dogs.

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So it's worth it. The whole experience I had with Percy and particularly the experience of not

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getting the information I needed, threw me into a world of evidence-based dog training that I

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absolutely lapped up. It just all started to make sense. When you unpick the evidence-based methods

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and understand how they relate to the way dogs and people learn, it all starts to piece together

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and make beautiful sense. In a way, I'm really glad Percy had separation anxiety. I'm really

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glad he's over it, but I'm really glad he had it because if it hadn't been for his separation

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anxiety, I wouldn't have discovered these evidence-based dog training methods. I wouldn't

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have discovered the ones that worked and I wouldn't have got into dog training. That's where I am now.

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So I got certified as a dog trainer. I threw myself into separation anxiety training.

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And my big mission is to make all of this information accessible for you so that you

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don't have to go through the confusion that I went through many years ago. But I also want to

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make sure you don't have too much information because you could waste days, weeks, months on

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the internet trying to find separation anxiety solutions and there's way too much out there.

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During the course of these podcast episodes, I will be focusing on the training method that works.

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I'll be telling you about stuff that doesn't and I'll be helping you focus on the things that are

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going to make the biggest difference to your dog and his separation anxiety. There is most

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definitely hope. You can help him feel happier at home. You can get your life back and you can get

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that precious freedom back that you think you've lost forever. It's not an easy journey, but it is

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going to be rewarding. And seeing him flourish and you getting back that spontaneity, it's just

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going to be the best. So if you want some tips on training, I've done a one-page summary about how

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desensitization training works and you can get that by visiting my website, subthresholdtraining.com

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forward slash episode one. That's where you'll find the download. All right. Thank you for joining

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me this week. It's been wonderful having you listening and I can't wait to see you online soon.

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Bye for now.

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Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Be Right Back Separation Anxiety Podcast.

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If you want to find out more about how I can help you further, head over to julienaysmith.com.

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Meanwhile, if you enjoyed listening today, I would love it if you would head over

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to wherever you listen to your podcasts and consider rating my show.

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Thanks so much. Good luck with that training and bye for now.