1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:05,320 Hello, and welcome to another episode of the fixing separation anxiety 2 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:07,180 podcast. In this episode, 3 00:00:07,180 --> 00:00:10,560 we're looking at what it really means to get a dog 4 00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:12,420 over separation anxiety? 5 00:00:12,420 --> 00:00:16,150 How long that might take and what recovery involves? 6 00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:19,790 Welcome to the fixing separation anxiety podcast, 7 00:00:19,790 --> 00:00:22,490 where it's all about healing your dog, 8 00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,270 regaining your freedom, 9 00:00:24,270 --> 00:00:26,810 and getting your life back on track. 10 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:32,740 And now here's your host, 11 00:00:32,740 --> 00:00:34,030 Julie Naismith. 12 00:00:34,030 --> 00:00:38,080 I've been away from podcasting for a couple of weeks. 13 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:40,750 Not because I've been on vacation. 14 00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:44,160 I do try to podcast even when I'm on vacation, 15 00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:48,590 but because I've been busy with the group of owners who've 16 00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:52,270 just joined my separation anxiety hero's club. 17 00:00:52,270 --> 00:00:53,560 The hero's club, 18 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:56,510 and I call it heroes club because to me, 19 00:00:56,570 --> 00:01:01,130 everybody who commits to tackling separation anxiety is a hero and 20 00:01:01,130 --> 00:01:02,350 as are their dogs. 21 00:01:02,350 --> 00:01:05,360 But the heroes club is a place where we work on 22 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:06,740 training together. 23 00:01:06,740 --> 00:01:08,860 As you might have experienced, 24 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:11,870 separation anxiety training is super hard. 25 00:01:11,870 --> 00:01:15,450 There's nothing intrinsically rewarding about it. 26 00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:16,340 It's not fun. 27 00:01:16,340 --> 00:01:18,290 It takes time to get results. 28 00:01:18,290 --> 00:01:21,300 You have to do a bit of setup and organizing to 29 00:01:21,300 --> 00:01:22,280 get on with it. 30 00:01:22,370 --> 00:01:23,370 And frankly, 31 00:01:23,370 --> 00:01:25,480 it can just be plain boring. 32 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:30,130 I can't wait to get on with separation anxiety training today 33 00:01:30,130 --> 00:01:31,500 said nobody ever. 34 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:34,790 And whenever we face a challenge like that, 35 00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:38,720 and you can think about maybe weight loss or couch to 36 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:40,550 5k running challenges. 37 00:01:40,550 --> 00:01:43,380 Research shows that we achieve much, 38 00:01:43,380 --> 00:01:46,210 much more when we work in a community, 39 00:01:46,210 --> 00:01:49,590 hence why we go to weight loss clubs and why we 40 00:01:49,590 --> 00:01:52,240 joined couch to 5k running groups. 41 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:57,990 And that community support and setting that's exactly what happens inside 42 00:01:57,990 --> 00:02:00,570 my separation anxiety heroes club. 43 00:02:00,570 --> 00:02:01,220 You know, 44 00:02:01,220 --> 00:02:03,770 there's a buzz of activity every day. 45 00:02:03,770 --> 00:02:05,900 People share their successes. 46 00:02:05,900 --> 00:02:09,670 People share the failures and we all help one another to 47 00:02:09,670 --> 00:02:11,640 stay on track with training. 48 00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:15,010 At the heart of the heroes club is something that I 49 00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:19,520 call a progress tracker or separation anxiety progress tracker. 50 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,000 As the name suggests, 51 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:24,360 this is what I encourage members to use to work out 52 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,660 how they are doing with training. 53 00:02:26,900 --> 00:02:29,570 You can actually find a link to the tracker in the 54 00:02:29,570 --> 00:02:31,570 show notes if you want to have a look. 55 00:02:31,570 --> 00:02:34,970 If you're working on separation anxiety training right now, 56 00:02:34,970 --> 00:02:39,040 if it's something you've done or something you're thinking about doing, 57 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,710 you will know that a really big focus of ours when 58 00:02:41,710 --> 00:02:44,650 we're training as owners is the amount of time that we 59 00:02:44,650 --> 00:02:46,580 spend on the other side of the door. 60 00:02:46,610 --> 00:02:48,790 It feels like it's all about that, 61 00:02:48,790 --> 00:02:49,570 doesn't it? 62 00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:51,130 How long can I go out for, 63 00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:52,220 is it 10 seconds? 64 00:02:52,220 --> 00:02:53,470 Is it five minutes? 65 00:02:53,470 --> 00:02:54,720 Can I do 20 minutes? 66 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:58,380 We're really focused on what's going on on the other side 67 00:02:58,380 --> 00:03:02,360 of the door and that's fine and it's totally understandable. 68 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:03,610 It's human nature. 69 00:03:03,610 --> 00:03:05,090 We really want to know. 70 00:03:05,090 --> 00:03:07,580 We want to be able to leave our dogs for X 71 00:03:07,580 --> 00:03:09,580 hours. That's why we're doing the training. 72 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,490 We want to be able to leave our dog for X 73 00:03:12,490 --> 00:03:13,780 hours, whatever that is for you, 74 00:03:13,780 --> 00:03:15,700 so that we can get back to normal life. 75 00:03:15,730 --> 00:03:16,990 That's why we're doing the training. 76 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:19,510 However, here's the thing. 77 00:03:19,570 --> 00:03:23,620 The focus on duration is laser focused just on duration can 78 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:24,910 cause a few problems. 79 00:03:24,910 --> 00:03:28,450 And the three main ones that I see are as follows. 80 00:03:28,450 --> 00:03:31,250 Let me explain what I see as the problems. 81 00:03:31,250 --> 00:03:32,160 First of all, 82 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:35,210 we get tempted to push our dogs too far and too 83 00:03:35,210 --> 00:03:39,410 fast. And if you're working on separation anxiety training, 84 00:03:39,410 --> 00:03:42,130 you will know that we go at the dogs pace. 85 00:03:42,130 --> 00:03:42,870 We only go, 86 00:03:42,870 --> 00:03:46,160 we only progress as long as our dog can handle the 87 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:49,210 progression. We never push our dogs too far, 88 00:03:49,210 --> 00:03:49,790 too fast. 89 00:03:49,790 --> 00:03:52,840 Otherwise, we risk not making any progress at all. 90 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:55,450 But the focus on time can make us a little bit 91 00:03:55,450 --> 00:03:58,280 greedy and make us push quicker than we should. 92 00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:58,930 Why? Well, 93 00:03:58,930 --> 00:04:00,450 because we see progress. 94 00:04:00,450 --> 00:04:03,360 We measure progress as an increasing duration. 95 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:06,690 And so if we don't increase duration from one exercise, 96 00:04:06,690 --> 00:04:08,000 exercise to the next, 97 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,900 then we're immediately thinking it's failure. 98 00:04:11,290 --> 00:04:12,800 We're immediately thinking, 99 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:15,400 Oh, it's not working or I'm never going to get there. 100 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,630 Or even if we don't think it's a failure not to 101 00:04:17,630 --> 00:04:18,420 push duration, 102 00:04:18,420 --> 00:04:21,320 we certainly start to have thoughts creep in that it might 103 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:22,410 be stalled progress. 104 00:04:22,410 --> 00:04:24,160 Our Doug's going to be really slow, 105 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,390 our dog's not going to get where we want my dog 106 00:04:26,390 --> 00:04:26,690 to be. 107 00:04:26,690 --> 00:04:30,040 So we really get greedy about pushing duration if that's our 108 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:31,390 focus. Number two, 109 00:04:31,390 --> 00:04:33,930 we get caught up in time comparison. 110 00:04:33,930 --> 00:04:34,950 It's too easy, 111 00:04:34,950 --> 00:04:39,010 just way too easy to compare our dog's duration to others. 112 00:04:39,010 --> 00:04:41,380 And in this very connected world, 113 00:04:41,380 --> 00:04:42,140 of course, 114 00:04:42,140 --> 00:04:44,090 in this age of social media, 115 00:04:44,090 --> 00:04:45,270 we all know this. 116 00:04:45,270 --> 00:04:47,050 There are so many forums, 117 00:04:47,050 --> 00:04:50,770 so many ways that we can compare ourselves to others. 118 00:04:50,980 --> 00:04:53,440 And you know how that makes you feel. 119 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:57,780 Comparison rarely does anything other than make us feel flat or 120 00:04:57,780 --> 00:05:00,400 inadequate. There's a famous saying, 121 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:01,300 isn't there? 122 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:03,840 That comparison is the killer of joy. 123 00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:07,770 And I see this over and over again with separation anxiety 124 00:05:07,770 --> 00:05:11,460 training, instead of celebrating our own successes. 125 00:05:11,460 --> 00:05:15,140 We are pleased to see when others are making progress, 126 00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:18,360 but there's a little part of us as well that goes, 127 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:19,710 I wish that was my dog. 128 00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:22,260 And I say to my owners over and over again, 129 00:05:22,260 --> 00:05:25,940 do not ever compare your start to somebody else's middle or 130 00:05:25,940 --> 00:05:27,590 just somebody else's end. 131 00:05:27,590 --> 00:05:31,120 It's so important to just focus on running your own race. 132 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:35,170 And I think this obsession with duration makes the temptation to 133 00:05:35,170 --> 00:05:37,130 compare even harder to resist. 134 00:05:37,130 --> 00:05:38,850 Because when we're online, 135 00:05:38,850 --> 00:05:42,010 we're in an odd dog group and we see that somebody's 136 00:05:42,010 --> 00:05:45,010 separation anxiety dog is not doing 20 minutes. 137 00:05:45,100 --> 00:05:45,660 You know, 138 00:05:45,660 --> 00:05:48,770 off first reaction is I hope our first reaction is all 139 00:05:48,770 --> 00:05:49,620 good for them, 140 00:05:49,620 --> 00:05:50,540 but then don't, 141 00:05:50,540 --> 00:05:51,740 we feel a little bit, 142 00:05:51,740 --> 00:05:55,120 a little bit flat and disappointed because our dog is only 143 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:55,830 doing five. 144 00:05:55,830 --> 00:05:59,360 But remember just like you don't know what's really going on 145 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,260 in a glamorous Instagram photo, 146 00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:04,370 you don't know what's going on outside of that photo. 147 00:06:04,580 --> 00:06:07,720 We don't always know what's going on with that dog. 148 00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:09,810 Maybe the 20 minutes was a one off. 149 00:06:09,810 --> 00:06:13,850 Maybe the dog was actually quite stressed during the 20 minutes, 150 00:06:13,850 --> 00:06:17,140 but the owner isn't aware of what stress looks like in 151 00:06:17,140 --> 00:06:18,850 a dog and is pushing the dog. 152 00:06:18,850 --> 00:06:23,040 Maybe the dog hasn't had enough foundational departure training, 153 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,730 which is what I get all my owners to focus on. 154 00:06:25,730 --> 00:06:27,750 I want everyone to do lots of work, 155 00:06:27,750 --> 00:06:29,480 which is not about duration, 156 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:32,860 but it's getting the dog to be comfortable with you going 157 00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:35,170 out of the door without getting upset. 158 00:06:35,170 --> 00:06:37,330 So I call it Doughty sensitization, 159 00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:39,490 and we work that over and over again. 160 00:06:39,490 --> 00:06:42,730 And we work it with dogs who are achieving really quite 161 00:06:42,730 --> 00:06:43,880 chunky durations. 162 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,780 But maybe that dog you see online who've got the 20 163 00:06:46,780 --> 00:06:49,770 minutes, maybe there's no steady solid foundation. 164 00:06:49,770 --> 00:06:52,220 And if you don't have the solid foundation, 165 00:06:52,220 --> 00:06:55,350 there's a really good chance your training gets stuck. 166 00:06:55,350 --> 00:06:57,790 Maybe that dog will get stuck at 20 minutes. 167 00:06:57,790 --> 00:07:01,120 So the third thing that obsessing about duration does is it 168 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,430 makes us forget what progress really is. 169 00:07:03,430 --> 00:07:06,560 What separation anxiety training progress really is. 170 00:07:06,890 --> 00:07:08,710 It is not about our stopwatch. 171 00:07:08,710 --> 00:07:12,800 Our goal with separation anxiety training is about getting back to 172 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:13,610 normal life, 173 00:07:13,610 --> 00:07:14,190 Isn't it? 174 00:07:14,190 --> 00:07:16,740 It's about getting our life back on track. 175 00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:20,690 Yes, we absolutely want our dogs to stop being uncomfortable and 176 00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:22,150 anxious and panicking. 177 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,190 But if you're managing absences, 178 00:07:24,190 --> 00:07:27,250 more than likely your dog isn't feeling like that. 179 00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:30,760 And the further in the past your dog's experience of being 180 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:34,700 left for scary absences becomes the more comfortable your dog is 181 00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:37,680 generally. He's not thinking that you're about to go out the 182 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:39,530 door. Don't about keep his eye on you. 183 00:07:39,530 --> 00:07:41,380 He's got used to have a several weeks, 184 00:07:41,380 --> 00:07:44,130 months, you not leaving him for longer than he can cope. 185 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,380 So he starts to chill out. 186 00:07:45,380 --> 00:07:47,050 So when we're managing absences, 187 00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:47,530 you know, 188 00:07:47,530 --> 00:07:49,140 dogs getting more comfortable. 189 00:07:49,140 --> 00:07:50,390 Yeah, that is important. 190 00:07:50,390 --> 00:07:53,510 But the biggest thing is probably we just want to get 191 00:07:53,510 --> 00:07:54,890 our life back on track, 192 00:07:54,890 --> 00:07:58,530 Do the normal things that everybody can do without having to 193 00:07:58,530 --> 00:08:01,360 do plan for three weeks to go out and get painted 194 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,900 milk. And that means that we need our dogs, 195 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,740 not only to be able to handle longer durations, 196 00:08:06,740 --> 00:08:08,620 but they need to be consistent. 197 00:08:08,620 --> 00:08:11,530 So let's say your dog can do four hours right now. 198 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:12,020 I know, 199 00:08:12,020 --> 00:08:14,180 I know separation anxiety goals, 200 00:08:14,180 --> 00:08:15,340 you dream of that. 201 00:08:15,340 --> 00:08:17,270 But when you get to that stage, 202 00:08:17,270 --> 00:08:19,050 whether it's full minutes, 203 00:08:19,050 --> 00:08:20,670 40 minutes or four hours, 204 00:08:20,670 --> 00:08:24,060 I always get people to look at how predictable is that 205 00:08:24,060 --> 00:08:27,620 duration? How much money would you bet on your dog being 206 00:08:27,620 --> 00:08:30,780 able to do that four hours or that 40 minutes every 207 00:08:30,780 --> 00:08:31,630 single time? 208 00:08:31,630 --> 00:08:32,710 Is that a $10 bet, 209 00:08:32,740 --> 00:08:33,920 a hundred dollars, 210 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:34,500 $500 bet? 211 00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:37,740 If the dog's four hours is more of a one-off duration, 212 00:08:37,740 --> 00:08:39,720 it's maybe it's a personal best. 213 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:40,890 If that's the case, 214 00:08:40,890 --> 00:08:44,420 then it doesn't really matter so much about the four hours 215 00:08:44,420 --> 00:08:47,290 because you can't go leave your dog to go to work 216 00:08:47,290 --> 00:08:50,440 if you think that four hours is a sketchy four hours. 217 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:52,060 You're going to be on edge, 218 00:08:52,060 --> 00:08:54,450 you're going to be watching your camera. 219 00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:57,320 You're going to be ready to dash back or worst case 220 00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:00,270 scenario, your dog does have a freak out and you are 221 00:09:00,270 --> 00:09:00,900 not there. 222 00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:01,890 So reliability, 223 00:09:01,890 --> 00:09:04,270 consistency, predictability are huge. 224 00:09:04,270 --> 00:09:06,940 That's why I get my owners to focus on more than 225 00:09:06,940 --> 00:09:07,850 just duration. 226 00:09:07,850 --> 00:09:08,760 Yes, of course. 227 00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:10,590 We always talk about duration, 228 00:09:10,590 --> 00:09:13,400 but I try to change the mindset away from just the 229 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:17,470 time on the stopwatch to the predictability and the consistency that 230 00:09:17,470 --> 00:09:19,080 comes with solid training. 231 00:09:19,710 --> 00:09:21,710 It's critical to get consistency. 232 00:09:21,710 --> 00:09:24,330 And if you've pulled up the progress tracker, 233 00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:26,190 that's linked in the show notes, 234 00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:29,430 you will see that theme running through all of the stages 235 00:09:29,430 --> 00:09:30,740 in the progress chart. 236 00:09:30,740 --> 00:09:34,250 And just to quickly run through the progress tracker for you, 237 00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:35,560 I've got seven stages. 238 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:38,800 Stage one is where nearly all of us start with separation 239 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:39,900 anxiety training. 240 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,960 And stage one is where you have a dog who more 241 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:46,250 than likely won't even let you get out of the door. 242 00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:49,050 This is a dog who freaks as soon as you think 243 00:09:49,050 --> 00:09:51,930 about going out and lots of you start there. 244 00:09:51,930 --> 00:09:53,690 Maybe you've got a dog who, 245 00:09:53,690 --> 00:09:57,300 yeah, it's kind of okay with you stepping outside for a 246 00:09:57,300 --> 00:09:58,180 few seconds, 247 00:09:58,180 --> 00:10:01,140 but it's not totally comfortable with that. 248 00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:02,250 So stage one, 249 00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:02,980 stage two, 250 00:10:02,980 --> 00:10:05,020 these are dogs who are really, 251 00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:09,250 really sensitive to leaving even just the thought of leaving. 252 00:10:09,250 --> 00:10:11,940 And then on the other end of the tracker, 253 00:10:11,940 --> 00:10:13,490 we've got stage seven, 254 00:10:13,490 --> 00:10:16,010 ah, this is the one we all dream about. 255 00:10:16,010 --> 00:10:18,950 This is a dog who allows you to live your life 256 00:10:18,950 --> 00:10:21,960 again. This is what I call the freedom stage. 257 00:10:22,140 --> 00:10:23,920 When you get to stage seven, 258 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:26,700 you have a dog who can pretty much be left for 259 00:10:26,700 --> 00:10:30,180 as long as you need with the almost certainty that he's 260 00:10:30,180 --> 00:10:30,950 going to be. 261 00:10:30,950 --> 00:10:31,800 Okay. So you, 262 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:34,280 you know how long you need to go out for. 263 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,130 And you know, 264 00:10:35,130 --> 00:10:36,210 he can nail that. 265 00:10:36,210 --> 00:10:40,850 There's a real strong consistency and reliability part to stage seven. 266 00:10:40,850 --> 00:10:43,780 Back to what I was saying about his four hours a 267 00:10:43,780 --> 00:10:46,710 one-off or is it something that your dog can do over 268 00:10:46,710 --> 00:10:47,610 and over again? 269 00:10:47,610 --> 00:10:48,730 Is it that $500 bet? 270 00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:49,980 Now, interestingly, 271 00:10:49,980 --> 00:10:50,960 well, most of us, 272 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:54,020 most of my owners start off looking up at stage seven, 273 00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:55,560 shooting for stage seven. 274 00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:56,670 For lots of owners, 275 00:10:56,670 --> 00:10:58,830 I see that stage six will actually do. 276 00:10:58,830 --> 00:11:01,830 Now, if you're not looking at the progress tracker, 277 00:11:01,830 --> 00:11:04,450 let me just describe stage six and stage six, 278 00:11:04,450 --> 00:11:06,920 you probably not leaving your dog all day. 279 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,610 We're not talking about four hour durations, 280 00:11:09,610 --> 00:11:12,720 but you do have a dog who's consistent enough that you 281 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:16,750 can do things like confidently meet your friends for dinner without 282 00:11:16,750 --> 00:11:20,430 having your phone propped up against your against the candle. 283 00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:23,960 But you might be taking sneaky peeks at the phone throughout 284 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:27,570 because that's a whole other topic for a whole other episode. 285 00:11:27,570 --> 00:11:29,910 How we wean ourselves off looking at our dog, 286 00:11:29,910 --> 00:11:31,630 even when we know they're solid. 287 00:11:31,630 --> 00:11:32,200 By the way, 288 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:33,400 the answer to that one, 289 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:34,160 how do we do it? 290 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,050 Most of us don't. 291 00:11:35,050 --> 00:11:37,140 Confession, it's a hard habit to break. 292 00:11:37,140 --> 00:11:39,040 Anyway, so you're back to stage six. 293 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:41,190 We've got a dog who will let us go to dinner 294 00:11:41,190 --> 00:11:42,210 without worrying. 295 00:11:42,210 --> 00:11:44,930 We can go to the cinema where you definitely can't be 296 00:11:44,930 --> 00:11:46,770 watching your camera all the time. 297 00:11:46,830 --> 00:11:49,350 You might be able to go to a yoga class again, 298 00:11:49,350 --> 00:11:50,050 no cameras. 299 00:11:50,050 --> 00:11:52,360 You might even be able to go on a date with 300 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:53,200 your partner. 301 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,160 So we're not talking about super, 302 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:56,480 super long durations, 303 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:59,560 but we are talking about really reliable durations. 304 00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:02,640 Ones that you can absolutely know your dog is going to 305 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:03,340 nail. Also, 306 00:12:03,340 --> 00:12:05,650 why some owners get to stage six and say, 307 00:12:05,650 --> 00:12:08,050 I'm good with that is by the time you get to 308 00:12:08,050 --> 00:12:08,680 stage six, 309 00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,790 many of you got so good at managing absences that you, 310 00:12:11,790 --> 00:12:14,540 you don't need your dog to be alone all day while 311 00:12:14,540 --> 00:12:15,450 you're at work. 312 00:12:15,450 --> 00:12:16,580 So for many people, 313 00:12:16,580 --> 00:12:18,060 stage six is good enough. 314 00:12:18,060 --> 00:12:19,620 You've got your life back. 315 00:12:19,620 --> 00:12:22,720 You can do things with more freedom and you might need 316 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:25,540 to still get a pet sitter up for longer absences. 317 00:12:25,540 --> 00:12:28,090 If you go into a wedding or you've got a big 318 00:12:28,090 --> 00:12:28,600 event on, 319 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:29,560 but for a lot of people, 320 00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:30,340 stage six says, 321 00:12:30,940 --> 00:12:33,100 yes. So I'm tasting freedom again. 322 00:12:33,460 --> 00:12:34,720 But back to stage seven, 323 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:37,510 again, this is where most people think that when you get 324 00:12:37,510 --> 00:12:38,530 to stage seven, 325 00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:41,890 your dog has been cured of separation anxiety. 326 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:44,710 And I'm going to put cure in inverted commas in air 327 00:12:44,710 --> 00:12:46,650 quotes, because the thing is, 328 00:12:46,650 --> 00:12:48,680 with separation anxiety dogs, 329 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:52,340 they don't really ever get cured of separation anxiety. 330 00:12:52,340 --> 00:12:56,080 And it's just like humans with PTSD or humans with bipolar 331 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:57,880 disorder. There's no cure. 332 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:00,530 There's no cure for separation anxiety. 333 00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:04,810 What happens with all of those conditions is that treatment leads 334 00:13:04,810 --> 00:13:07,380 to what we call symptom-free recovery. 335 00:13:07,380 --> 00:13:12,220 So you're not witnessing and experiencing the symptoms that were causing 336 00:13:12,220 --> 00:13:13,930 the problems previously. 337 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:18,000 Okay. So now before you feel totally deflated about the fact 338 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,210 that I've just said, 339 00:13:19,210 --> 00:13:21,710 you are not going to be able to cure your dog 340 00:13:21,710 --> 00:13:23,490 who have separation anxiety. 341 00:13:23,490 --> 00:13:26,410 Just know that once you get to stages six or seven, 342 00:13:26,410 --> 00:13:29,680 you will not be worrying about whether your dog is cured 343 00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:33,460 and debating the finer details of whether it's cured or symptom 344 00:13:33,460 --> 00:13:34,380 free recovery. 345 00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,520 You will not be worrying about that. 346 00:13:36,820 --> 00:13:40,180 You will be happily getting back to normal life with a 347 00:13:40,180 --> 00:13:43,230 dog who can be predictably uncomfortably left. 348 00:13:43,230 --> 00:13:46,360 You will not care whether that means cured or not. 349 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:49,640 And that brings me on to another point because I find 350 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,850 that when owners focus on progress in this new way, 351 00:13:52,850 --> 00:13:56,430 they do worry less about putting a deadline on recovery. 352 00:13:56,430 --> 00:13:57,120 I see this, 353 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:58,040 over and over. 354 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,250 Instead of how long will it take me, 355 00:14:00,550 --> 00:14:01,220 they ask, 356 00:14:01,220 --> 00:14:02,300 how will I do it? 357 00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:06,650 And that's a massive mind shift and it's hugely empowering and 358 00:14:06,650 --> 00:14:10,740 motivating. And that's what we focus on in our heroes club. 359 00:14:10,740 --> 00:14:13,250 We focus on how you're going to do it ? 360 00:14:13,250 --> 00:14:14,170 and how long? 361 00:14:14,170 --> 00:14:14,840 You know, 362 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:18,680 the thing that we cannot control for is the dog's brain, 363 00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:20,180 the dog in front of us, 364 00:14:20,180 --> 00:14:21,520 we just don't know. 365 00:14:21,580 --> 00:14:24,670 So there is no set time for moving from stage one 366 00:14:24,670 --> 00:14:25,300 to seven. 367 00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:26,250 We do not know. 368 00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:29,410 What we do know though about how we can affect the 369 00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:32,020 time it will take is that what you do as an 370 00:14:32,020 --> 00:14:34,480 owner is the most significant thing. 371 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:36,290 Aside from the dog's brain, 372 00:14:36,290 --> 00:14:40,410 which we can can't necessarily do anything about except we can 373 00:14:40,410 --> 00:14:41,040 use meds. 374 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:42,940 But the thing that you can do, 375 00:14:42,940 --> 00:14:46,300 the thing that makes most difference to a dog's recovery, 376 00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:49,300 to a dog getting to symptom free recovery is what you 377 00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:51,190 do. And when we have milestones, 378 00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:52,940 there aren't times on a clock, 379 00:14:52,940 --> 00:14:55,390 but much more about getting our life back. 380 00:14:55,390 --> 00:14:56,930 And to give you an example, 381 00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,190 so in our heroes club, 382 00:14:58,190 --> 00:15:01,190 we celebrate things like owners who can now go out to 383 00:15:01,190 --> 00:15:04,130 the car and get something they forgot from the car. 384 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:07,550 Like when that happens and when somebody posts a picture of 385 00:15:07,550 --> 00:15:08,940 that, we all celebrate. 386 00:15:08,940 --> 00:15:11,920 Or somebody today talked about being able to go for a 387 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,200 coffee, actually sit and have a coffee. 388 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,590 And we celebrated that. 389 00:15:15,590 --> 00:15:18,910 We celebrate the things that show we're making progress, 390 00:15:18,910 --> 00:15:21,540 and we kind of don't care what that means on the 391 00:15:21,540 --> 00:15:22,510 stopwatch. Why? 392 00:15:22,510 --> 00:15:24,590 Because it's much more motivating. 393 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,960 You'll feel way better when you get those rewards than you're 394 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:28,750 just going Oh, 395 00:15:28,750 --> 00:15:29,670 it's 20 minutes. 396 00:15:29,670 --> 00:15:31,060 And that's why as a group, 397 00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:33,570 we celebrate milestones in the way that we do. 398 00:15:33,570 --> 00:15:36,400 Now, if you want to experience what it's like to work 399 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,450 through training alongside others, 400 00:15:38,450 --> 00:15:41,680 to celebrate when somebody just managed to go to the cinema 401 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:45,120 for the first time or celebrate when somebody managed to take 402 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:47,800 the rubbish or the trash out for the first time. 403 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:50,900 Then the doors to the separation anxiety heroes club, 404 00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:52,620 they're closed at the moment, 405 00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:55,030 but they open again on September the 30th. 406 00:15:55,030 --> 00:15:57,510 And you can join the wait list by going to the 407 00:15:57,510 --> 00:15:58,810 link in the show notes. 408 00:15:58,810 --> 00:16:00,530 But if you can't wait for that, 409 00:16:00,530 --> 00:16:03,840 you can always join my free Facebook group and get support 410 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:05,240 there. But whatever you do, 411 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:07,610 don't do this training thing on your own. 412 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:11,210 It is way too hard and you do need people around 413 00:16:11,210 --> 00:16:12,350 you. Okay? 414 00:16:12,350 --> 00:16:13,940 That's it for me for this week. 415 00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:16,490 Thank you so much for listening to this podcast. 416 00:16:16,550 --> 00:16:19,250 I know you have a lot of choices and I am 417 00:16:19,250 --> 00:16:21,710 so grateful that you chose to listen to mine. 418 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,060 If you've enjoyed it, 419 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:27,750 I'd be really grateful if you'd head over to iTunes and 420 00:16:27,750 --> 00:16:28,680 review it. 421 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:34,550 Meanwhile, that's it from me and I'll be back next week. 422 00:16:34,550 --> 00:16:40,940 Thanks for listening to the fixing separation anxiety podcast with Julie 423 00:16:40,940 --> 00:16:44,850 Naismith for more information, 424 00:16:44,850 --> 00:16:48,250 visit the website at www.subthreshold 425 00:16:48,250 --> 00:16:51,240 training.com. If you haven't yet, 426 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:54,330 go to Apple podcasts and subscribe, 427 00:16:54,330 --> 00:16:57,010 rate, and review this podcast. 428 00:16:57,010 --> 00:16:59,170 Thank you for joining us. 429 00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:00,790 We'll see you again soon..