Hey there,
Julie Naismith here and welcome to another episode of the fixing
separation anxiety podcast.
It has been a long time since I've done an episode
because I've been busy finishing my book.
So be right back is out.
Well really soon,
like the end of November,
I can't quite believe it.
It might even be already out by the time you listen
to this podcast.
So be right back is an owner's guide to overcoming separation
anxiety and regaining your freedom.
And today I want to share a bit of backstory about
my book,
because my book is dedicated to you.
And I want you to know why I wrote this book
and why it's all about you.
So the first reason,
and this is kind of about me and about you,
but you've probably heard the story about my dog,
Percy. And if you haven't,
here's the quick version.
I discovered he had separation anxiety after we got him,
we got him as a puppy.
I'm pretty sure he came hardwired with it.
Back then many years ago,
I had no idea what,
I don't think I even knew what separation anxiety was.
I don't even know if I'd heard the term.
Maybe I had,
but it wasn't on my radar.
So I didn't,
we didn't work out what it was.
We didn't know what was going on.
All we knew is we had this dog,
this puppy who is supposed to be perfect and it turns
out we couldn't leave him.
And then just like you've probably done,
we did a ton of things.
We go on the internet,
tried all the things that get listed on all the websites,
all the things you're supposed to buy,
or the training,
the training techniques you're supposed to use.
So we did all of it.
You name it,
we have done it.
Probably there isn't anything that you've tried that we haven't tried.
And meanwhile,
we got into a lot of trouble.
We get complaints from neighbors.
We have Percy scratching doors matching doors and destroying things while
we're on while we're away.
So we get into trouble,
not just from the neighbors,
but he's getting into trouble around the house.
Everything we did and everything we didn't do in hindsight,
I've no doubt it made him worse.
What drove me crazy and kind of what still does was
that it was so difficult to get good information.
And yet,
the way that we help dogs get over separation anxiety is
a pretty standard process.
It's almost like it's hiding in plain sight.
There are so many shiny things,
so many things to buy.
So many fancy techniques that we're supposed to use.
The common sense,
the established,
established approach to getting dogs over separation anxiety seems to be
hidden. So I found it infuriating and I just thought,
Oh my goodness,
it can't be this difficult.
I don't want it to be this difficult for everyone else.
So that was kind of the first thing that sparked me.
Essentially, to get into this whole training thing that I do
now was it needs to be simpler.
It needs to be easier for people to get the information
that they want.
I don't want anybody else going through what we had to
go through with Percy cause it was just ridiculous.
And then the second reason why I wrote this book and
why it's dedicated to you is because of the judgment and
the guilt.
Know what I'm talking about?
Yeah. So you end up with a dog with separation anxiety.
Okay, it's not what you're bogging for.
And yes,
I hundred percent firmly believe that when you choose to take
a dog into your life,
you're agreeing to deal with that dog,
for that dog's life,
with whatever issues that dog has or develops.
I agree with that.
I am fully committed to that,
but that doesn't mean that when you discover the dog that
you have already adopted has separation anxiety,
it doesn't mean that even though you committed to dealing with
whatever issues your dog has,
it doesn't mean that it doesn't hit you like an absolute
bombshell. Even though you said you were in it for the
long run,
no matter what came up,
even though you said you deal with whatever issues arose,
it's still crushing.
And you can't help thinking that maybe somehow something you've done
has caused that.
So the guilt already starts to kick in.
And because all that stuff you've read on the internet has
a theme running it through it,
not everything,
but, but a lot of what you read has a theme
running through it,
which is it's your fault.
You cause this,
if you had done something different,
it would have been okay.
Even just yesterday I saw a horrendous meme on the internet,
which was basically saying,
if you want to create separation anxiety in a dog,
and it lists out 10,
15 things,
which are all ridiculous,
have been debunked but basically are,
if you've been a bad owner,
here are the 12 ways in which you can be a
bad owner and cause separation anxiety.
You know,
the classic,
like you let your dog sleep on the bed or you
didn't show the dog who was boss.
It's all nonsense by the way,
it's all debunked.
And it all has nothing to do with separation anxiety.
But there is so much stuff,
stuff like that out there you can't help but feel guilty.
So there you are.
You're feeling guilty.
You're feeling like your world has come crashing down because you
didn't think you were going to get a dog you couldn't
leave and then comes the judgment.
So on top of all of these,
comes the judgment from family and friends who all of a
sudden, apparently are separation anxiety experts.
Because all they did was just let the dog walk out.
Oh, you've just got to show your dog some boundaries.
Oh. As long as you'd show your dog who's boss,
it'll be fine.
Oh, all I did with my dog was yeah,
you've heard all of that.
I know you have.
I know you have,
so you've got your own guilt because you think you've done
something wrong.
Then you've got this judgment coming at you.
And yet none of it is justified.
None of it,
because I know that you're doing all you can to get
your dog over this.
And that's why I wrote this book.
Reason number two,
because you need to feel less guilty and you need to
feel less judged.
It is not your fault that your dog has separation anxiety.
And I know you're doing all you can to get your
dog over it.
Zero judgment from me.
Absolutely no guilt inducing comments from me because it is not
your fault.
Now you can be empowered to get your dog over this,
but your dog isn't in the condition it's in because of
anything you've done.
So fingers in your ears when you hear that judgment,
and when you hear those guilt-laden comments coming your way.
Okay, do we have a deal?
All right!
Reason number three,
I want to help you feel more connected.
Separation anxiety in case you didn't already know it is weirdly
because we call it separation anxiety,
it's an isolating condition.
So it's kind of ironic that not only do our dogs
feel panicky about feeling isolated but in doing the right thing
by our dogs,
we ourselves feel isolated.
Because we can't go out.
We can't do all stuff.
I was just reading a post from Jean yesterday in my
hero's club,
which is my paid membership group.
Jean, shout out to you and Gus,
because you know,
I love you.
And you know,
I think you're doing a great job with Gus.
She had a meltdown.
And one of the reasons why I love the heroe's club
is that I want people to share successes,
but also share the meltdowns because they're real.
And Jean yesterday had discovered that she can't get a sitter
for Christmas Eve.
Now we know how that goes,
don't we?
It can be,
you know,
arranging a sitter for a Saturday night in November.
Maybe not that difficult,
but getting somebody to sit on Christmas Eve,
really challenging.
So there are always those days where we just cannot,
no matter what we do,
find someone to have our dog.
And here's Jean posting and she's having a meltdown.
Jean, I'm totally with you by the way,
this is not judgment.
You know me,
Jean is having a meltdown because in the year that she's
been dealing with Gus's separation anxiety,
she's given up on so many things.
She has to work from home.
Now you could argue,
Oh, that's great for Jean that she can work from home,
but it's isolating for her.
That's not how her job works well.
She doesn't want to work from home.
She can't go to the gym anymore.
And that used to be her thing.
So she has a home gym,
home gym built.
She can't even do stuff like go and get a regular
haircut. Or like she said,
just go browsing for handbags that I'm not going to buy
on a Friday afternoon because that's what I like doing.
So none of that,
and can't you relate to that?
Can't you relate to this life change that comes with a
separation anxiety dog?
And yet when you look around you,
everybody's dog seems to be quite normal.
And everybody of course is judging you because your dog's not
there. So you do feel totally isolated.
I do love my heroe's club for bringing people together,
but I also wanted this book to bring people together so
that you don't feel like you are the only person who
has, whose dog has this condition.
The book has tips and tricks for dealing with the world
that doesn't understand your dog or you.
I want you to feel like you can get through this
and that you're not alone.
And you do know that you're not alone,
right? You know that you're not the only one whose dog
has this?
And if you're not already in my separation anxiety support group
on Facebook,
you have to join.
It's a free group.
It's not the pay group like the membership.
It's a free group.
So you must go and dive in there.
So there you have it.
My three big reasons that prompted me to write this book.
Number one,
to give you the correct information,
to have you,
to give you it at your fingertips,
so that you don't have to go through the crazy process
that I went through with Percy,
trying to work out what was going on and trying to
work out how to solve it.
Number two,
to make you feel less judged and less guilty.
In fact,
to make you feel not judged and to make you feel
not guilty because you shouldn't be judged and you shouldn't be
feeling guilty.
And number three,
to help you feel connected to a community of people who
are also going through what you're going through.
So I hope you'll take my book out.
People are already reading it and saying that it 100% resonates
with them,
which makes me jump up and down with joy.
I want this book to make a difference.
And you know what,
if it only changes the life of one owner and one
dog, I'm going to be ecstatic.
Check it out,
have a look,
have a read.
Tell me what you think I would love to know.
Okay, that is it for me for this week.
Thank you again for listening cause I know you have lots
of options for listening.
I hope you'll join me again next week though,
for another episode.
Okay, bye for now.