Welcome to another episode of the Fixing Separation Anxiety Podcast. I'm your host, Julie Naismith.
Now, if you are in the weeds with separation anxiety training, if you're finding it tough
going, if you're feeling like you just can't imagine ever getting through it, then two
things. One, you need to know you're not alone. And two, you need to listen to this episode
because I'm here to talk you down from the ledge. I'm here to make sure that you have
what you need to not quit training because you keeping going is the factor that's going
to make all the difference to your dog getting over this. So in this episode, I'm going to
share six things that I think you can do that will stop you if you think, if you ever think,
whether that's now, whether that's down the line, if you ever think it's time to quit
the training, I want you to listen and take note of these six things.
Hello, and welcome to the Be Right Back Separation Anxiety Podcast. Hi, I'm Julie Naismith, dog
trainer, author and full on separation anxiety geek. I've helped thousands of dogs overcome
separation anxiety with my books, my online programs, my trainer certification and my
separation anxiety training app. And this podcast is all about sharing my tips and tricks
to help you teach your dog how to be happy at home alone too.
As I said, this week, we're talking about how I can help you not give up, how I can help you
stay the course because you are perhaps the biggest factor in getting your dog over separation
anxiety. I mean, you're the biggest differentiating factor. There's not really a lot we can do
about to change the dog in front of us. Yes, we can use medication and that absolutely
does change a dog's chances of recovery. But outside of medication, you are the biggest
differentiator. So if you give up, then your dog has no hope. So my job is not just to
focus on your dog, but it's to help you get through this. The first thing I'm going to
talk about six things today, six things that I want you to do when you feel like you are
giving up. The first thing I want you to do is I want you to say to yourself, this is
normal. Julie said this is going to happen. Julie said I was going to feel like quitting.
Say to yourself, this is normal. There isn't a separation anxiety owner out there. I don't
think who hasn't felt like you feel today. Even the ones who you look at and think, oh,
I wish we could be that successful. You know, the ones that are, whose dogs are racing four
hours or six hours or whatever. They have all had the same doubts as you. They've all
had the same overwhelm as you. They have all felt like giving up, but they dug deep and
they kept going. And I know that you can do, you can do that as well. So first thing is
you've got to say to yourself, number one, this is normal. Because the thing about separation
anxiety training is there's nothing intrinsically rewarding about it, is there? Nobody gets
up in the morning with a smile on their face saying, I can't wait to do separation anxiety
training today. So not only that, not only is it not rewarding in the moment, it's boring.
It can be, let's be honest, it can be boring. It's intricate. You've got to set stuff up.
You've got to open spreadsheets. You've got to do all of that. And then you might have
an exercise that does, well your dog does okay, but it's still not four hours. So there's,
it's hard because it's tough work, takes a long time and it's not rewarding. So no wonder
you want to give up. But number one, you've got to say yourself, feeling like I want to
quit is normal. Then number two, I want you to, number two, I want you to review your
training so far. A big reason why a lot of us want to give up is that we think we're
not making, we're not making progress. And of course, if our dog is still doing 30 seconds
or even 30 minutes, it feels like we're not making the progress we want. But I want you
to go back and look at where you started. Look at where you, look at the exercise you
did on the very first day. Even if your dog is making slow, slow progress, I'm willing
to bet that your dog has made some progress. Not as quick as you want, perhaps, but your
dog will have made progress. You have to remember how far you've come. In order to do that,
and if you're not doing this already, you have to keep good records. Get your spreadsheet
out. Start recording data on every single training exercise that you do. You can't look
back just using your memory. So data is going to tell you how far you've come. And even
if your data isn't giving you the wonderful rosy picture that you hoped, just ask yourself
this one question. Is my dog better or worse than when I started training? And even if
your dog's only nudging forwards, I reckon you'll be able to answer, yes, my dog is doing
better than when I started. So, really important, look at how far you've come. One of the things
I get the people who follow along in my paid membership group, my heroes group, one of
the things I get them to do is to focus on looking at success in a kind of different
way. So instead of constantly clock watching, instead of counting the good days and the
bad days, ask yourself, can I now do something I couldn't do a month ago? Maybe you can go
for a coffee. Maybe you can only get a take-out coffee now, but maybe in two months' time,
you might actually be going and sitting down and having a coffee. Maybe you can go to lunch.
Instead of just thinking about those four, the magic four hours or six hours or whatever
it is you want, think about the fact that on the way, as you train, you will get rewarded.
Not with the length of time that you want ultimately, but you will get rewards along
the way. So I will link to this and you can read about the freedom steps. Try and reframe
it and remind yourself that on the way, these little freedom steps will unlock for you.
Number three, you need to know and you need to accept that your friends and family who
are doubting what you are doing are not helping you save the course. Some of them might never,
ever, ever get what you're doing. They might never understand. Even when you are smashing
four hours, they may still be thinking, oh yes, but if she'd done it differently, she
could have done, she could have been leaving us of a year ago. So just know that you may
never get their acceptance. You may never get them jumping up and down and saying, wow,
you did so well. You did so amazingly. They may still doubt you. Even when you are smashing
the durations that you want, you have to kind of block your ears, fingers in your ears,
I always say, and ignore those doubts. Ignore the words that maybe make you feel like you're
doing the wrong thing. Instead, lean into the community that does understand you. If
you are not already in my Facebook group, the free Facebook group, you have to get over
there. You have to lean in and be with people who understand you. And you have to accept
that people in your circle may never understand what you're going through. They may never
understand that what you're doing is the right thing. They may always think you did it wrong.
When you can leave your dog for long periods of time. So jump into the Facebook group,
type into the search bar in the Facebook group, hashtag subthreshold success. Get inspired
by other people who have succeeded. Remind yourself that everybody has been where you
are. They've had doubts. They've been at short durations. They've wanted to give up. They've
all been where you are. So lean in and search for hashtag subthreshold success and see that
it isn't all doom and gloom. All right. So that's number three. Number four. And this
is kind of linked to those freedom steps as well. And this is going to sound weird because
all through life, we're told to focus on a goal. If you focus on a goal, you're more
likely to reach it. Hey, guess what? Over the last 10 years, research into behavioral
economics, how we actually make the decisions that we make, how we behave has started to
show that focusing on a goal doesn't work. Oh my goodness. All that stuff we've been
told all these years, it isn't actually the case. What's now becoming evident is that
instead of focusing on the goal, the big, beefy, long-term goal, the people who achieve
results focus on the process. So let's talk about, say, a sports team. Every single football
team, every single basketball team, they all have the same goal. They want to win their
league. They want to win their cup. They want to win the trophy. Every single one of them
has the same goal. But what sets apart the winners from the losers is they focus on the
process that will get them there. So if it's football or if it's basketball, the process
will be good training. It will be nutrition. It will be fitness. They focus on the process
that will get them to the goal. For you, you need to focus on day-to-day training because
actually what can happen is when you focus on the four or five hours, you just get despondent
in the moment. Instead, if you focus on today and tomorrow and the day after, you focus on
following a really solid training plan. You focus on not leaving your dog for longer than he can
cope with. You focus on keeping your dog under threshold. You focus on a process that works.
That's what's going to set you apart from people who try this and fail. I know it sounds weird,
but start focusing on the goal, all right? Focus on the process. And obviously, if you want to
know more about the process, you can grab my book on Amazon. It's packed with all the steps that you
need to take. All right, two more things. Number five, focus on one thing. Focus on the one thing
that's going to make a difference. This kind of comes from that world I was talking about before
of behavioral economics and research and all the stuff we know now about how people succeed. And we
know that if we try and do too many things, we fail at everything. And that's so true when it
comes to dog training. Now, there are many, many things that might help your dog's separation
anxiety. And I say might. It might help if we exercise them a bit more. It might help if we
play with them a bit more, give them more enrichment. But if I give you a list of 30
things to do, you are going to feel so overwhelmed that more likely than not, you won't do any of
them. And what we know about separation anxiety is the one thing when it comes to separation
anxiety, the one thing that makes most difference to you being able to leave your dog is you
practicing leaving your dog. That's what I emphasize. I want you to focus on that one
thing. Practice leaving your dog. Gradual departure is nice and easy, keeping your dog
under threshold. If you've got time for all the other stuff, do it. But don't do it at the expense
of the one thing that makes most difference. OK, last thing, and this is really important. Number
six, this is what I want you to do today. If you are feeling stuck, you're feeling like you're
about to quit, just do take just take one next step. Just say, I'm going to do one training
session tomorrow. I'm going to do half a training session tomorrow. Make it small. Make it
achievable. Make it so easy. Make the goal, I said goal, but make the training duration so easy that
your dog is going to ace it. You're going to feel motivated and you'll slowly, slowly get
back in the game. And then the day after, try again. Make it easy. Make it so easy your dog's
going to ace it. You're going to feel good. Just take one easy step. So easy that it actually would
be harder not to do it than to do it. OK, does that sound reasonable? Does that sound like you
can do it? I know you can. So please, please, please don't give up. I know it's hard. I know
it's difficult. I've been through it myself. But it is going to be worth it. So next time you feel
like it's just all too much, head over to my free Facebook group, lean into the group there or join
me live on my Facebook page or a Facebook live. You have so got this. All right. Thank you so much
for listening. I do appreciate you tuning in. I know you've got a ton of options when it comes
to podcasts, so it's very much appreciated. Now, if you do like this podcast, I'd love it if you'd
hop over to wherever you listen to podcasts and leave me a review. All right, that's it from me
for this week. I'll see you on another podcast soon. Bye for now. Thank you so much for listening
to this episode of the Be Right Back Separation Anxiety podcast. If you want to find out more
about how I can help you further, head over to julienaysmith.com. Meanwhile, if you enjoyed
listening today, I would love it if you would head over to wherever you listen to your podcast
and consider rating my show. Thanks so much. Good luck with that training and bye for now.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai