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As an owner whose dog has separation anxiety, not only do you have to deal with the challenge

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of having a dog who can't be left and all of the emotional strain that puts on you,

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you also are saddled with a huge amount of guilt and guilt isn't always a helpful emotion

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and quite often it stops us from taking the actions that we need to take.

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So that's why this week I want to talk about the forms of guilt that we experience when

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we have a dog with separation anxiety.

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I want to look at whether any of that is at all helpful and if it isn't helpful, what

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can we do about it?

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Hello and welcome to the Be Right Back Separation Anxiety Podcast.

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Hi I'm Julie Naismith, dog trainer, author and full-on separation anxiety geek.

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I've helped thousands of dogs overcome separation anxiety with my books, my online programs,

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my trainer certification and my Separation Anxiety Training App and this podcast is all

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about sharing my tips and tricks to help you teach your dog how to be happy at home alone

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too.

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So first, let's talk about what we mean by guilt.

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Well, guilt is usually a feeling, a feeling of remorse, we feel bad about something, we

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feel like we've caused offence or we've committed some wrongdoing.

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Now sometimes that can be real so we might actually have done that and sometimes it can

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just be how we feel, it could just be that we imagine that we did that.

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Really simple way of looking at it is guilt is that really uncomfortable feeling that

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we get when we have done something that we know to be wrong or when in our heads we think

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we've done something wrong and I think that last part is really important when it comes

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to thinking about guilt in the context of separation anxiety.

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And guilt can happen because we fail to do something or we think we fail to do something

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so we acted in a certain way, we made certain choices and guilt can also come along when

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we think we've broken kind of a code of standards, maybe that's our standards but maybe it's

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what we think other people's standards are.

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Often the guilt that we feel results from us not sticking with the standards that we

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think our family, our friends or even society has.

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It's just totally normal to feel guilt, we all feel guilty, we all feel guilty at different

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times and because we all make mistakes, none of us are perfect so it's normal to feel guilty

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and it can sometimes be helpful.

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Because we all do make mistakes, guilt can actually be a helpful indicator that helps

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us to make positive change so when we do something wrong and we feel guilty about it, that feeling

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of guilt can make us change our behaviour so that we don't make the same mistake again

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or we don't make the same negative choices again.

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So it can be helpful but it's often really unhelpful because what guilt does is when

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it's too much, when we're feeling too much guilt and we can't escape the guilt, we get

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stuck with the guilt, it becomes unhelpful because what it does is it saps our emotional

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energy, it drains us, it makes us feel flat and that emotion, that negative emotion keeps

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us rooted in what's happened so we keep going over and over and over what happened, what

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caused us to feel guilty and that doesn't make us move forward.

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In order to move forward, we have to look at taking new action and it's okay to reflect,

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you know, is there a really good reason, is it legitimate to feel this guilty about what

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I did in the past or maybe what I didn't do or the choices I made or was it actually beyond

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my control because sometimes stuff happens and yes there's a bad outcome and yes we were

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part of it but it was nothing that we could have done anything about and feeling guilty

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about those sorts of things just makes us stay stuck.

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If we do feel guilty, we need to be thinking instead of beating ourselves up, we need to

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be thinking about okay well how can I change things, what positive action can I take?

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So let's think now about guilt in the context of being an owner of a dog who has separation

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anxiety because as I said there are many ways in which we feel guilty and it's a pretty

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heavy weight, it's a burden of guilt that does make us feel like there is nothing we

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can do and we feel hopeless.

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I've identified five types of guilt that as a separation anxiety owner you might have

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felt.

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You might actually have felt all five of these but I'm betting you'll have at least experienced

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one.

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So let's have a look at what those are.

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The first one is probably the biggest one and I'd be really surprised if you hadn't

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felt this and that is guilt that you caused your dog's separation anxiety in the first

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place.

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But the thing is we never actually know, we can't ever truly know the exact reason an

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individual dog develops separation anxiety.

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So we don't know that.

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So you don't know what caused your dog separation anxiety but you feel guilty about it and we

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do know the factors that can contribute to separation anxiety so maybe we can't pinpoint

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exactly why that dog there got separation anxiety but we do know the things that overall

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contribute to anxiety and these include what happened to the dog's mother when she was

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carrying the litter, so before the dog is even born, then what happens to the puppies

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almost immediately, so once they are born, what happens in the litter, what happens in

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terms of what the dam does to the puppies.

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Then we've got puppy genetics, the dog's genetics and genetics as we increasingly know

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we're finding out that genetics play a critical role in the development of fear, any type

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of fear in a dog.

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And then another contributing factor is bad experiences early in life, so that's a dog

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being exposed to things that might have been scary or harmful and resulted in a negative

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association, so that's bad things happening.

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On the other side of that, there's good things not happening, so the absence of positive

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experiences and that typically means a dog who wasn't ever socialized and socialization

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is all about exposing typically a puppy, a puppy to good positive experiences, so with

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a growing and developing puppy we need to avoid them having bad experiences and we need

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to expose them to positive experiences, so if either of those two don't happen, then

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the puppy risks developing fear as an adult dog or even in puppyhood.

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So we might say that as an owner you could have affected or influenced the last two,

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there's nothing you could have done about the puppy's genetics, there's nothing you

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could have done about what happened to the puppy when the mum was carrying it or what

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happened in those first few weeks after the puppy was born, but maybe, maybe there are

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things you could have done if you had your dog, by the way, from puppyhood, but maybe

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there were things you could have done to avoid your puppy having bad experiences early in

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life and things you could have done to make sure that your puppy had good experiences

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early in life.

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But the problem here and why you just can't feel guilty about this is that no one told

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you, if you did have your dog from a puppy, nobody was telling you that leaving a puppy

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who's in a panic to cry out is going to be damaging and that would be an example of an

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early bad life experience, so nobody's telling you that, nobody's telling you either that

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you needed to have trained your puppy to be a home alone, so giving your puppy positive

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experiences of being home alone, nobody tells you any of that.

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So how can it be your fault when nobody told you that those were the things you needed

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to do?

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In fact, if anything, people are telling you to do the opposite of those things, they're

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telling you to leave your puppy to cry out, they told you when your puppy first came home

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that you should ignore its cries.

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So I can only accept you feeling guilty about those things if you were given very clear

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instructions and you truly understood those instructions about how to help your puppy

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avoid developing separation anxiety and you had ignored all of those instructions.

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But you know what, even then, even then there's no guarantee that if you had done all the

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right things that your puppy wouldn't have gone on to develop separation anxiety anyway

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because plenty of people do do those things and their dog still develops separation anxiety

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because genetics, what happened before the puppy came home and so on.

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So you really cannot feel guilty about this one.

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And for the most part, this guilt, this I caused it, it was my fault, stems from what

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other people are telling us that we're babying our dogs, your anxiety is being reflected

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in your dog, you just need to leave your dog to get over it.

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So when we hear those things, they're immediately guilt tripping us, they're kind of designed

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to guilt trip us.

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Now our friends and family usually mean very well, for the most part, but I guarantee you

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if they are saying any of those things to you, either they've never had a dog with separation

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anxiety because seriously, once you've had a dog with separation anxiety, you don't ever

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tell anybody to let the dog cry out or that it's their fault.

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Or if they did have a dog with separation anxiety in the past and miraculously the dog

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got over it, they addressed it by doing it the old-fashioned way by leaving their dog

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to panic.

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And you know what, sometimes actually, truthfully, that can work.

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I cover that in other episodes, but we call it flooding.

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Basically you expose the dog to something it's scared of at full intensity in the hope

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that the dog gets through that exposure and then goes, oh what, I survived, fantastic.

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Problem with that technique is it's very risky because it mostly doesn't work and it mostly

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makes the dog worse and it's really inhumane because during that panic, and sometimes you

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need to do quite often, you have to do repeated panic after repeated panic, so you have to

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do exposure after exposure and, you know, that's pretty crappy for a dog.

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Meanwhile they might not recover, so if anybody's telling you that they did leave their dog

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to get over and it worked, either that dog didn't have separation anxiety or unfortunately

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they flooded their dog.

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Now if you feel guilty, if you do feel guilty that you caused your puppies or your dog separation

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anxiety even though you know you didn't, so rationally you know that you didn't do this,

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you have to let go.

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Worrying about what might have happened to your dog in the past, what you might have

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done or might not have done isn't going to help.

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What you need to do is you need to focus on what you can control, alright, so you need

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to look forward and say, what can I control, I can't control the past, I can't control

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what might have happened to my dog, I can't control what I might have done or didn't do

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in the past, that's done, it's the past, but what I can do, you need to say this to yourself,

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is I can focus on getting my dog over separation anxiety using training and by suspending absences.

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That's what you can control, that's what you need to focus on.

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Alright, guilt type number two, there's the guilt that you're not doing enough.

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We have this guilt about all aspects of our life, don't we?

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That we're not working out enough, that we're not working hard enough, that we're not cleaning

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the house enough, that we're not eating healthily enough, that we're not all of these things,

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that our sock drawer isn't tidy enough.

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There are, again, this comes back to those external standards.

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When we think we're not doing enough, quite often it's because we're looking around us

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and imagining the perfect lives and the perfect existences that everybody has and it makes

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us feel inadequate and it makes us feel guilty.

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So you can focus on getting your dog over separation anxiety, you can let go of the

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guilt of whether you cause it or not, but end up feeling guilty that now you're not

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taking enough action.

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I need you to know, though, that you are taking action.

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For a start, you're listening to a podcast about separation anxiety, that's taking action,

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that's doing something and the vast majority of people whose dogs have separation anxiety

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are not listening to a podcast about separation anxiety.

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So you are already ahead of the game.

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And yet you probably are still thinking, oh, well, I don't train enough, I'm just listening

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to the podcast, I'm not actually training, I'm not doing all the things I know that you're

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supposed to, you know, really amp up the enrichment.

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I'm supposed to play games with my dog, I'm supposed to take them for gazillion sniffy

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walks and off leash walks every day.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, good.

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Okay, all of that, all of that can help.

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It's true.

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But you don't have to do all of it.

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And even doing some of it is taking action.

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Doing something is enough.

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You will never, ever do all the things that you think you should do to help with your

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dog's separation anxiety.

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So when we feel like we're not doing enough, again, we get bogged down with negative emotion,

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we get that kind of lumpy feeling in our tummy that makes us think, what's the point, I can't

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do all these things, I may as well do nothing.

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So if you're training, even just once a week, that's huge, even if you're just reading a

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book on it, or you're listening to a podcast on it, that's huge.

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Even if you're not doing any of those things, but you've stopped leaving your dog, that's

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also taking action.

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We can always do more in every walk of life, we can always do more.

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And of course, what do we love doing?

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We love focusing on the negative.

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So we love focusing on all the things we haven't done.

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And we focus on all the things we think we should do, rather than just doing something.

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So the next time you beat yourself up about what you could be doing, what you should be

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doing, remember that with separation anxiety training, most people whose dog has separation

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anxiety don't do anything.

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Sadly, they just don't.

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So yeah, it's true, if your dog has separation anxiety, you do have to put in an awful lot

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of training.

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You do, I'm being totally honest here.

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Nobody gets their dog over separation anxiety without doing lots of training.

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Now, unfortunately, some people do lots of training and their dog still doesn't get over

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separation anxiety, but you can't skip the bit.

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However, the key here isn't to stand looking at the top of the mountain thinking about

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how much training you need to do and how little you feel you are doing.

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What you need to do, the absolute key thing, is just focus on taking the next step.

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And if that's doing one training session this week, brilliant.

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That's fine.

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Or if it's just doing one more enrichment session this week, that's also fine.

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So focus on that next step and then take the next step.

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See, what you're going to do is you're going to climb to the top of the mountain without

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ever looking at the top.

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Because as with any big undertaking, whenever we try to take on a big change, and separation

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anxiety training is a big life change, we have to do something that previously we weren't

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doing at all and we have to suspend absences, but whenever we're doing anything like that,

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if we look to the top of the mountain, all we can see is a flag at the top that says

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overwhelm.

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So do not look at the top of the mountain, just look at step by step by step.

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So this week, train once.

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Give yourself a really easy goal.

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I'm just going to train once.

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And you know what, if you achieve that, you'll get a little bit of a buzz and maybe you want

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to train twice.

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However, if you say to yourself, okay, I listened to this podcast and she said that I've got

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to do loads and loads of training, so oh my goodness, I'm going to train seven times this

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week and it gets to Tuesday and you haven't trained at all, so then you go, oh, I might

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as well give up.

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It's a phenomenon in psychology, which is basically meet goal or quit.

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So when we set really tough goals and we quickly realise that we're not going to get there

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because the goal is so tough, we quit.

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That's how our brains work.

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However, when we set an easy goal, what can happen is we chalk off that easy goal, we

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get a buzz and we feel motivated to do another one.

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Brilliant, huh?

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So we can always do more, but know that whatever you're doing right now is enough and anything

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else you do is a bonus.

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And a third type of guilt that, if you haven't felt yet, you probably will, is guilt that

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you didn't start early enough.

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So you should have started all this training, you should have started working on your drug

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separation anxiety sooner.

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We never like to give ourselves a break, do we, as humans, we're very, very good at beating

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ourselves up.

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So, you know, even if after you start training, there's a really good chance that you're going

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to give yourself a hard time that you didn't start sooner, or if you did start sooner,

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you might say, yeah, but I tried all the wrong things.

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Why didn't I start this particular training sooner, this gradual exposure that I know

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works?

242
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Why did I try all those things?

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So you're either going to beat yourself up for not doing anything, or you're going to

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beat yourself up for having done the wrong things.

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And I do wish that someone had told you as soon as your puppy or your dog came home that

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you should have started home and training.

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I wish that, but I bet nobody did.

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So again, how can you feel guilty about something that nobody told you to do?

249
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You probably have no clue that your dog might need to learn to be alone because nobody tells

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you.

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Everybody tells you dogs are fine on their own.

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Remember that most dogs don't love being alone.

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Some dogs hate it and they panic, but most dogs don't love it.

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And when your dog comes home or your puppy comes home, you're so busy with the house

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training, the classes, the manners, the leash walking, the socialization, that no wonder

256
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you're not thinking about teaching your dog to be happy home alone.

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And anyway, as we know, you could have done all that and still had your dog develop separation

258
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anxiety and some people get really lucky and don't do home alone training and their dog

259
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is fine.

260
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So no wonder you didn't do more sooner.

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But the thing is, that doesn't matter.

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None of that matters now.

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What matters is you're addressing it.

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You're addressing it from now on.

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And as the saying goes, the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago.

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The second best time is today.

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And it's the same with separation anxiety training.

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Of course, of course, day one, the day your dog or puppy came home would have been the

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absolute best day to start home alone training.

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But today is a pretty good second best.

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All right, guilt type number four, there's the guilt that you made it worse.

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So retract, let's just go back a second.

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Let's think about what we know about separation anxiety and what causes it.

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Well, many things that we don't exactly know for each dog and those things that cause it,

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some of them can make it worse, too.

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So the number one thing that we have control over that can make a dog worse is leaving

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a dog for longer than that dog can cope with.

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So leaving a dog in a panic.

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And if your dog does have separation anxiety, then you would not be alone if you had not

280
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left your dog for longer than it could cope with.

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I don't think there's an owner of a dog with separation anxiety out there who hasn't at

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some point left their dog for longer than their dog could cope with.

283
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For the most part, it's because we don't know.

284
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So before we realize that our dog has separation anxiety, we've left them.

285
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Everybody's done it.

286
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No guilt about that.

287
00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:18,119
We've all done it and we didn't know.

288
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But of course, we do feel guilty about it because no one wants to feel that they left

289
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their dog in a panic.

290
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But you're not walking out of the door.

291
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You didn't walk out of the door saying, I'm going to teach my dog a lesson.

292
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I'm going to teach my dog to get over it by just screaming its heart out.

293
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I know it's in a panic.

294
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You didn't do that.

295
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The only reason that you've ever left your dog for longer than it could cope with is

296
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you didn't know any better.

297
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Nobody told you.

298
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You thought that that's normal and that that's how dogs are and they get over it.

299
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Or you had one of those emergency situations.

300
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You were absolutely on top of managing absences, but then your car breaks down on the way home

301
00:22:02,079 --> 00:22:06,239
or your dog walker calls you and leaves a message while you're at work to say they've

302
00:22:06,239 --> 00:22:09,199
had an emergency and they've had to drop your dog off earlier.

303
00:22:09,199 --> 00:22:14,280
Or you have a personal emergency and you're, I don't know, horrible to think about it,

304
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:19,560
but you're heading to the emergency department, so stuff will happen.

305
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,560
But that doesn't make you a bad owner.

306
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In fact, guilt makes you a good owner.

307
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You see, I think that's what differentiates people who truly care and those who truly

308
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don't.

309
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:35,319
Guilt is usually a sign that we care about something and if we don't have any guilt about

310
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it, it's because we don't care about it.

311
00:22:37,079 --> 00:22:42,560
So if you feel guilty for all the times that you left your dog and now you know, looking

312
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:47,040
back, they were in a panic, it's only because you're an amazing owner.

313
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When I wrote my book Be Right Back, one of the things I put at the very start of the

314
00:22:51,199 --> 00:22:56,000
book is I dedicated it to Percy and my other dogs, but particularly Percy, and said that

315
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I wanted to say to Percy, just, Percy, I'm sorry and thank you for forgiving me for leaving

316
00:23:04,479 --> 00:23:09,199
you for all those times when I didn't know you were upset, when I didn't know you were

317
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scared.

318
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And even now that brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it, but I didn't know.

319
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I didn't leave him thinking he was in a panic.

320
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I left him thinking he was okay.

321
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And actually when those family emergencies do come up, those are the most difficult things

322
00:23:25,439 --> 00:23:30,520
because leaving your dog not knowing they're in a panic and then finding out later that

323
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they're in a panic is hard enough, but leaving your dog knowing that they're in a panic,

324
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that's crushing.

325
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And that's why we don't do it.

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You know, the thing about guilt and actions that we do or that we don't take is that you'll

327
00:23:44,239 --> 00:23:47,439
often hear people say, well, hang on a minute, ignorance is no defense.

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But you see, I think when it comes to having a dog in our lives, I think it often can be

329
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:59,640
because especially when you are somebody who reads all the books and gets the advice and

330
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high as a professional, I think ignorance in that situation is a defense because you

331
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have put your trust in your faith in somebody who should know better.

332
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You've even paid them to give you advice.

333
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So if you've been given crappy advice by somebody who should know better, they're the guilty

334
00:24:17,079 --> 00:24:18,079
ones, not you.

335
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Trainers should know better.

336
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They absolutely should know better.

337
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But sadly, the problem is many of them don't.

338
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They either don't want to invest in learning or, you know, they've been working with dogs

339
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:31,319
for 30 years and it's always worked.

340
00:24:31,319 --> 00:24:33,560
So why would they change now?

341
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:40,439
But in a professional, ignorance of the basics of the profession is totally inexcusable.

342
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You know, if you're a lawyer or a doctor or an accountant, you can be sued for malpractice

343
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for not following the code.

344
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But dog trainers don't have that risk.

345
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Dog trainers can do what they want.

346
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They can take your money.

347
00:24:55,760 --> 00:25:00,280
They don't have to keep up to date on knowledge and they can give out bad and potentially

348
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:01,280
damaging advice.

349
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And on top of all that, they make you feel guilty about it.

350
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So no more guilt on this one.

351
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The past is the past.

352
00:25:09,719 --> 00:25:11,520
You haven't made it worse.

353
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:16,520
You're taking action and that's what's going to make it better.

354
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:20,119
And finally, guilt about your family and friends.

355
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:25,319
And this one is tough because when you have a dog you can't leave, all sorts of tensions

356
00:25:25,319 --> 00:25:28,640
arise with your friends and family.

357
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:32,479
And I know they don't necessarily mean to, but they do judge us.

358
00:25:32,479 --> 00:25:38,439
They do give us unsolicited advice because suddenly everybody's an expert, aren't they?

359
00:25:38,439 --> 00:25:43,079
And of course, they feel frustrated when we turn them down because we're always saying

360
00:25:43,079 --> 00:25:44,079
no to stuff.

361
00:25:44,079 --> 00:25:45,079
No, sorry.

362
00:25:45,079 --> 00:25:48,599
No, no, I can't get anybody to look after the dog, especially the last minute things

363
00:25:48,599 --> 00:25:51,719
or the, you know, what are you doing this weekend kind of thing.

364
00:25:51,719 --> 00:25:55,959
So they feel frustrated and I think we would too.

365
00:25:55,959 --> 00:25:59,560
In their shoes, we probably would feel the same.

366
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:03,839
And then we end up being caught between wanting to do what we know is the right thing for

367
00:26:03,839 --> 00:26:07,560
our dog, which is do the training and suspend the absences.

368
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:12,160
But then also we have, I guess, a sort of sense of duty to our friends and family.

369
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:13,839
But it's not just duty.

370
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We want to be with them.

371
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We miss them too.

372
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So they miss us.

373
00:26:20,239 --> 00:26:22,160
We miss them.

374
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:25,400
What I want you to remember, though, is they will cope.

375
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:26,400
They will cope.

376
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:27,400
Most of them will cope.

377
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:28,880
It's not forever.

378
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:31,959
And I bet that you are not cutting ties with them.

379
00:26:31,959 --> 00:26:35,040
You're just finding different ways to interact.

380
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:38,560
And all you're asking for is just that bit of patience and understanding.

381
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:42,199
And your true friends and your family really will get that.

382
00:26:42,199 --> 00:26:45,520
And I know as well that you aren't saying no to everything.

383
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:46,520
You're prioritizing.

384
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That's all.

385
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,520
You can't do as much.

386
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:53,520
But you do the things that really matter, that matter to you and that matter to them.

387
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:58,079
And you're investing your precious money, the money that you spend on daycare, the money

388
00:26:58,079 --> 00:26:59,079
you spend on sitters.

389
00:26:59,079 --> 00:27:00,640
You're just choosing where to spend that.

390
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,160
So you can't do everything you used to.

391
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:07,680
You spend your money on daycare and sitters more wisely so that you can do some stuff

392
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:08,680
with your family.

393
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:13,400
You just can't do all the things that you used to be able to do it for now.

394
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:16,380
So it's just their disappointment.

395
00:27:16,380 --> 00:27:19,979
Remember that when they make you feel guilty, it's just because they miss you.

396
00:27:19,979 --> 00:27:22,219
They want to spend more time with you.

397
00:27:22,219 --> 00:27:24,339
They want you back in circulation.

398
00:27:24,339 --> 00:27:30,619
They're not meaning to guilt you, so do let go of this guilt because it's not forever.

399
00:27:30,619 --> 00:27:33,780
You will be back in circulation soon.

400
00:27:33,780 --> 00:27:37,579
And then there's the guilt about medicating your dog.

401
00:27:37,579 --> 00:27:42,180
And this is a really reasonable guilt, I think, and pretty common.

402
00:27:42,180 --> 00:27:47,859
The reason I say it's reasonable is because the society stigmatizes the use of anxiety

403
00:27:47,859 --> 00:27:52,739
medications as a whole, not just in dogs, especially in dogs, it's especially stigmatized

404
00:27:52,739 --> 00:27:53,739
in dogs.

405
00:27:53,739 --> 00:27:56,939
But it's stigmatized in people, humans, adults, children.

406
00:27:56,939 --> 00:28:02,780
So it's not a surprise, really, that there's so much stigma about medicating your dog.

407
00:28:02,780 --> 00:28:07,540
Now you might think, it doesn't matter what society says, I actually don't think this

408
00:28:07,540 --> 00:28:08,540
is the right thing to do.

409
00:28:08,540 --> 00:28:12,939
You might have some personal standards that say this is unethical.

410
00:28:12,939 --> 00:28:16,660
Maybe you're feeling guilty because you think there's side effects.

411
00:28:16,660 --> 00:28:22,339
If putting your dog on anxiety medications does seem to go against your standards, ask

412
00:28:22,339 --> 00:28:23,939
yourself, why is that?

413
00:28:23,939 --> 00:28:27,099
Why do I think that I shouldn't do this?

414
00:28:27,099 --> 00:28:31,579
What is it about my standards that say I shouldn't put my dog on anxiety medication?

415
00:28:31,579 --> 00:28:33,739
And is it truly, is that truly what you think?

416
00:28:33,939 --> 00:28:39,300
Are those really your standards or is it that influence, the external influence?

417
00:28:39,300 --> 00:28:41,380
And then challenge yourself, why is it wrong?

418
00:28:41,380 --> 00:28:46,939
Is it just something that we don't do or is there some really concrete reason?

419
00:28:46,939 --> 00:28:52,579
Do you have good evidence that putting a dog on anxiety medications is wrong?

420
00:28:52,579 --> 00:28:57,380
The thing is, anxiety medications are safe for dogs, for the most part, there are side

421
00:28:57,380 --> 00:29:00,780
effects and you definitely want to talk to your vet about that.

422
00:29:00,819 --> 00:29:03,300
And for some dogs, they're not right because they aren't safe.

423
00:29:03,300 --> 00:29:10,619
But for most dogs, vets will tell you anxiety medications are safe and they can help stave

424
00:29:10,619 --> 00:29:14,380
off a lifetime of chemical imbalance in the brain.

425
00:29:14,380 --> 00:29:18,020
And that chemical imbalance, that's not good for dogs.

426
00:29:18,020 --> 00:29:22,239
If for whatever reason, anxiety medications go against your principles, and by the way,

427
00:29:22,239 --> 00:29:23,900
they definitely used to go against mine.

428
00:29:23,900 --> 00:29:28,939
I was probably the most anti-medication dog owner you could meet.

429
00:29:28,939 --> 00:29:33,819
But now I see the other side of it, I see the change they bring about, I see the relief

430
00:29:33,819 --> 00:29:37,979
they bring, I see the reduction in stress that they bring about and the increase in

431
00:29:37,979 --> 00:29:38,979
quality of life.

432
00:29:38,979 --> 00:29:43,660
I saw it in my own dogs and I've seen it in client dogs, time after time after time.

433
00:29:43,660 --> 00:29:48,060
So I'm definitely convinced I've changed my mind about it.

434
00:29:48,060 --> 00:29:53,939
But if you're still feeling bad, just remember that if you then decide to put your dog on

435
00:29:53,939 --> 00:29:58,219
medication despite the fact that you think it's not wrong, you're being amazing, you're

436
00:29:58,219 --> 00:30:02,500
doing an amazing thing for your dog and you should feel proud of yourself because you're

437
00:30:02,500 --> 00:30:06,380
being selfless, you're putting your dog's needs first.

438
00:30:06,380 --> 00:30:12,660
As you can see, there are many ways in which we can feel guilty about our dog's condition

439
00:30:12,660 --> 00:30:18,099
or the way we're addressing it, but none of these are really helping us.

440
00:30:18,099 --> 00:30:25,180
What you need to focus on is not what's happened in the past or emotions related to what you

441
00:30:25,180 --> 00:30:29,180
might or might not be doing, what you should be doing, what you shouldn't be doing.

442
00:30:29,180 --> 00:30:33,699
You just need to focus on what's actually going to help your dog overcome separation

443
00:30:33,699 --> 00:30:39,939
anxiety and therefore what's going to help you get back to your life and that's gradually

444
00:30:39,939 --> 00:30:46,380
exposing your dog to alone time, using desensitization training, by stopping your dog from being

445
00:30:46,380 --> 00:30:51,579
scared by suspending absences and just taking that first step.

446
00:30:51,579 --> 00:30:55,699
And whenever you feel stuck and whenever you feel guilty, just take another step because

447
00:30:55,699 --> 00:31:01,699
it's amazing how action can help us overcome sticky emotions.

448
00:31:01,699 --> 00:31:04,300
Okay, that's it from me for this week.

449
00:31:04,300 --> 00:31:05,900
Thank you so much for listening.

450
00:31:05,900 --> 00:31:11,140
I know that you have a ton of options when it comes to podcasts, so I truly appreciate

451
00:31:11,140 --> 00:31:14,420
you taking the time to listen to mine.

452
00:31:14,420 --> 00:31:19,739
So if you really enjoyed this podcast, I'd love you to listen again and you can subscribe

453
00:31:19,739 --> 00:31:24,060
on iTunes, on Spotify or anywhere that you listen to your podcasts.

454
00:31:24,060 --> 00:31:29,579
And if you've really valued this episode and you'd like others to benefit, hop over to

455
00:31:29,579 --> 00:31:32,859
wherever you listen and give me your rating.

456
00:31:32,859 --> 00:31:33,859
I'd love that.

457
00:31:33,859 --> 00:31:37,819
Thank you so much and good luck with the training.

458
00:31:37,819 --> 00:31:43,579
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Be Right Back Separation Anxiety Podcast.

459
00:31:43,579 --> 00:31:48,900
If you want to find out more about how I can help you further, head over to julienasmith.com.

460
00:31:48,900 --> 00:31:54,579
Meanwhile, if you enjoyed listening today, I would love it if you would head over to

461
00:31:54,579 --> 00:31:59,900
wherever you listen to your podcasts and consider rating my show.

462
00:31:59,900 --> 00:32:00,900
Thanks so much.

463
00:32:00,900 --> 00:32:03,060
Good luck with that training and bye for now.

464
00:32:13,579 --> 00:32:14,579
Bye.

465
00:32:14,579 --> 00:32:14,579