If you're thinking about a getaway sometime soon, you might be starting to stress about
the impact of a routine change on your dog's separation anxiety and especially if you've
been hard at work doing separation anxiety training.
Well in this episode I want to talk all about routine changes, how going away, how taking
a break from training can affect our dogs and what you do when you get back, when you
get back into the swing of things.
Hello and welcome to the Be Right Back Separation Anxiety Podcast.
Hi I'm Julie Naismith, dog trainer, author and full on separation anxiety geek.
I've helped thousands of dogs overcome separation anxiety with my books, my online programs,
my trainer certification and my separation anxiety training app.
And this podcast is all about sharing my tips and tricks to help you teach your dog
how to be happy at home alone too.
Great, so you're looking forward to a weekend away, or maybe you've booked a couple of weeks
in the summer and you're excited, of course you are, but also there's a really nagging
feeling of, oh how's this going to affect my dog, because if you've got a dog with separation
anxiety, going away, especially if you're going away and not taking your dog, or even
if you are going away with your dog, it can feel like a really big deal.
You might be worried about just the impact on your dog generally, but you also, if you've
been training away and training really hard, you're probably also worried about what's
it going to be like when I get back.
Well that's why in this episode I want to take you through some things to think about
when you are planning a getaway, or even if it's just taking a couple of weeks off work
and working from home or staying at home, but just anything which is kind of different
and means that you won't train in the same way that you've been doing previously.
Well first of all, plan ahead.
Okay, I know it sounds stupid, of course it's obvious, we always need to plan, but when
you've got a dog with separation anxiety you probably don't need me to tell you this, planning
is everything.
So who's your dog going to be with if you're going away and not taking your dog?
Have you managed to find somebody who, when you look them in the eye and you say, my dog
cannot be left, you know that right?
When you say that to them and you look them in the eye, you're 100% certain that they've
got it.
There are people like that around, there really are.
We've had many successful vacations and holidays where we've found people to look after Percy.
We've had some unsuccessful ones as well, and so how do I know that he's been cared
for in a way that I have asked when we've gone away?
Well because I can contrast it in the times that I know he's been left.
Left by people who said they wouldn't leave him, and that only happened a couple of times
and it didn't happen again.
I actually used those examples, the times when he did get left, one was by a trainer
who was somebody I thought I trusted and who said that, I discovered later, said that they
wanted to see, let him bark it out, because they thought that that was what Percy needed.
And when I came back from that trip, I just knew instantly, I didn't know what had gone
on but I knew something had gone on.
So I use that story when I'm talking to house sitters or pet sitters to say, you know what,
you know he's different, if he's been left he's different.
Now okay, it's easier for me because I do separation anxiety training, so if I say that
they're probably going to believe me, but back then when Percy was a baby, I wasn't
and I was still saying, I will know if you've left him.
So it's really important to have that discussion, be upfront with people about the fact that
he can't be left, that your dog can't be left and tell them what that entails and tell
them also the impact on your dog and how he'll be when you get back, if they do leave him.
I find, I get, I come across some horror stories of people who say, I left them with a sitter
who said, when I got back, said, well I only left him for half an hour here and there.
And it's like, what part of don't leave my dog at all did you not get?
So plan well ahead, find somebody you really, really trust.
I love talking of trust, TrustedHouseSitters.com, that's always worked really well for me, but
you will explore your own options too, but the main thing of course is that you're not
going to find somebody last minute, so do your best to plan ahead because you're going
to feel much better about everything when you find that person.
Then don't worry, oh gosh, it's really easy, when somebody tells you not to worry, power
of positive thinking, as soon as you say don't worry, then you're not going to worry, right?
If I tell you not to worry, you'll not worry, that's just ridiculous, of course it won't.
Being told not to worry does not stop you worrying, so me telling you not to worry,
that's not going to stop you worrying, however, I do want you to go away and enjoy your time
away.
Being with a dog with separation anxiety all the time, working on their training, it's
gruelling and it's hard and it's not the most fun thing that we're ever going to do.
So if this is a chance for you to not be in that zone, to not be constantly thinking about
am I training, what am I going to do about the dog, when we go out tonight, how are we
going to, you know, all those things that we think about all the time when we've got
a dog with separation anxiety, well, take this as your chance to step away from that
because stepping away from it will allow you to come back feeling fresher and more energised
for the journey ahead.
And when I say don't worry, I don't want you to worry about your dog when you're gone,
again, easy for me to say, but if you've done your preparation, if you've got somebody that
you can trust, even if being with that person isn't as good as being with you as far as
your dog's concerned, that's often good enough because if you don't have breaks, you'll resent
doing the training, you'll resent having a dog with separation anxiety, so having those
little breaks is good for you and good for your dog, especially if you plan ahead and
get the right person to look after him for you.
And another reason why I say try not to worry about, let me say try not to worry rather
than don't worry, try not to worry about going away is that often people get very stressed
about what's he going to be like when I get back, is the training progress going to just
be, are we going to go back to the start, am I going to lose everything that we've done,
all the progress that we've made, all that I've invested in his training?
Well, you don't know, and I'll come on to in a minute how we can sort of tell and how
we can manage our expectations, but it's that classic thing, isn't it, about don't worry
about stuff that you have no control over and you don't know that it's necessarily going
to be that way, so you can control who looks after him when you've gone, you can control
the training that you do when you get back, but you can't control anything else, you can't
control your dog's brain and how they'll respond to you being away, you've done everything
you can, you've got somebody in, you've done your due diligence, so go away, have that
refreshing break, and then when you come back, here's the time to start thinking about how
is he doing now, all right, so don't go away worrying that he's going to be a mess when
you get back, because that's just going to take the shine off your break, but when you
get back, right, that is the time to start thinking about this, so first of all, when
you get back, how does your dog seem, they're probably going to go absolutely bonkers the
first time they see you, because that's what dogs with separation anxiety do, I mean, let's
face it, a new person can come in the door and my dog Percy will just explode with delight,
he just loves seeing people, so he especially loves it when we come back, and he's always
been like that, he can be so sound asleep that he doesn't even hear me walking up to
him, and then when he wakes up, it's like, oh my goodness, I love you mum, where have
you been, boom, boom, boom, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, and he will never change,
and I don't want him to change, I love that about him, but if you know how your dog normally
greets you, say you've been at work and your dog's been at daycare, or you've been with
a pet sitter, how does your dog normally greet you after an absence, your absence like that,
of a length of time, and think about when you come back from your trip, how is your
dog now, is his greeting really amped up, but quite similar, and kind of what you're
expecting, or is there something more, does he seem like another level of amped up, does
he actually seem really stressed out and anxious, like the relief is just unbelievable, it's
not joy, it's not I missed you, I'm so happy, it's oh my goodness, thank goodness you are
back, I didn't know how I was going to survive, is it that, or is it just, I just love seeing
you, I'm so glad you're back mum, because that's going to give you some cues as to well how is he
doing now, and how up for training is he going to be, so does he seem just so relieved, relieved,
or is he just happy, happy, happy, and then does he seem more clingy, does he seem more clingy
than he was before, does he seem more clingy than you were expecting, or maybe less clingy,
that would be great right, it can happen, he might have fallen in love with a person looking after
him and gone, oh who are you, when you walk in the door, it wouldn't be the first time, but is he
less clingy, and or is there no change, so gauge that, that first day you're back, first 24 hours
I'd say, just hang with your dog, like you would normally do, and just start to see, did that
greeting seem very different, did he seem relieved, and then in those 24 hours when you're with him,
when you're back, more clingy, less clingy, or really no change, now if there's no change,
if your dog just seems unfazed by the fact that you went away, missed you, yes, delighted to see
you, oh absolutely, but not troubled by you being away, then if there's no change, you can just pick
up your training where you left off, I wouldn't start with exactly the same exercise that you
finished on, I would probably go back a few steps or so, by steps I mean, open up your training plan,
if you're using my Be Right Back app, if you're a member of Separation Anxiety Heroes, I would go
back a few plans, few exercises, and maybe pick a target duration from three days before you left,
if you're doing all this on paper or on a spreadsheet, same thing, just go back a little
bit, pick a target duration that's shorter than where you ended up before you went away.
If that doesn't work though, and how will you know? Well you know your dog well enough by now,
and you'll know the signs of stress in your dog, but if you don't, and you're still finding your
way through separation anxiety training, we're looking for a dog who maybe will follow us to
the door, would be interested in us going to the door, but who isn't showing signs of anxiety, such as
whale eyes, ears pinned back, panting, salivating, pacing around, running around, trotting around,
freezing at the door, rather than standing at the door. So can you see signs of anxiety when you do
the training? If so, then that's your cue to actually go further back, and here's what I would
say, if you're finding that you can't go back to where you were, or even a few days before, you
know, your target duration of a few days before you went away, then do what I call a door is a
ball refresher course, and any dog, every dog, anytime we're working on separation anxiety,
if in doubt, a door is a ball refresher course is a brilliant idea. It's just getting your dog very,
very gently back into the game by saying, remember, remember when I go out, I come back,
because it could be that two weeks ago, you went out of the door, and you didn't come back,
right? We had this agreement that when I go out, I always come back. Now that might be eight hours
later, he's at home with a pet sitter, but you've gone out for eight hours, but you come back,
and he knows that. But two weeks ago, you went out, and you didn't come back. So he might just
need a door is a ball refresher course, because that's going to get that association going up.
When you go out, you come back in again, so it gets that association fired up again.
And if you come back, and you find your dog is clingier than usual, or that greeting was
so over the top, and your dog was clearly, clearly so relieved to see you, not just happy,
then for you, I would also say it could be a door is a ball refresher,
or go right, right, right back with your target duration. Now, nobody likes it,
and I totally understand when I say, take your target duration back to a much shorter time,
because it makes you want to cry, because you think, oh my goodness, no,
it's taken us forever to get to seven minutes, don't make me go back to a minute.
But the thing you've got to remember is that when your dog can do seven minutes,
that learning is in your dog's brain. But sometimes things like going away, having time
away from them can disrupt that new learning, and they go back to an old association and an
old way of thinking. So the seven minutes is still there. But you have to get your dog back
into winning sessions. So every session for a dog should be an easy session, it should be something
that your dog can achieve. If seven minutes is suddenly too difficult, then we have to find a
time that your dog is going to ace, or if it's door is a ball, we go back there. Because that,
bizarrely, it seems weird, but that, going back to a short time that your dog can ace,
is actually what gets that new learning triggered again, right? Because the new learning is being
alone is safe. And you need to remind your dog of that, if he's forgotten when you went away.
It seems like he's forgotten, he's just put that memory in a different part of his brain,
and he's using a different association. So we just dust off the new learning by
going back to the first principle of, it's okay, when I leave, I come back, it's all safe.
However, I know it's deflating, you've been away, and you're thinking, oh, I wish I hadn't gone away
now, because I just don't feel like, oh, we're just back to where we were. No, you're not. Because
what you're going to do now is, when you've got that shorter time, or you're working on door is
a ball, when you start to get a number of sessions strung together, where your dog is acing things,
you're not going to go back up to, say that seven minutes, let's keep talking about,
imagine you had seven minutes, you're not going to go back to the seven minutes in the same way
that you first got there, your steps will be bigger. But first of all, I really need you to
get some successes under your belt after you've been away. All right, so have at least three
sessions where your dog aces it. Then you can start to think about going up in bigger steps.
If you're doing door is a ball, I'd want three sessions where your dog aces it, then go on to
a shorter duration than you were on before. Then think about going back up to that previous target
duration in bigger steps. If you're in my Separation Anxiety Heroes Club, in your app,
that will mean once you've had three or four aced it sessions, go in and start putting some
custom duration. So if the app is telling you to go up by 20 seconds, but you know that you're a
long way off the target duration you were previously on before your vacation, you might put
in a target duration that takes your time up by, say, a minute. So ignore the custom duration for
a little bit. If you're not in my Separation Anxiety Heroes Club, that might mean nothing
to you because you're not using my app. But if you're just using a worksheet or maybe my
success tracker, then same principles apply. You're just going to think about a bigger
step up in target duration than the increments you used to get there in the first place.
All right, so do we feel like we've got a plan of action now? I hope so. Do you feel a little
bit more comfortable about going away? Not as concerned? Well, a tiny little bit less concerned?
Again, I hope so, because it's so important for you to go away and have a break and the separation
anxiety training can wait while you're away. And then when you get back, just follow these
principles that I've set out here. And honestly, your dog hasn't forgotten. You're going to help
your dog get back in the game. All right. Thanks for tuning in. I appreciate you listening because
I know you've got a lot of options when it comes to podcasts. That's it from me for this week.
I'll catch you online soon.
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Be Right Back Separation Anxiety Podcast.
If you want to find out more about how I can help you further, head over to julienaysmith.com.
Meanwhile, if you enjoyed listening today, I would love it if you would head over
to wherever you listen to your podcasts and consider rating my show. Thanks so much.
Good luck with that training and bye for now.