What To Do When Reactivity And Separation Anxiety Collide!

Welcome to another episode of the Fixing Separation Anxiety podcast.

This week we're talking about reactivity.

But in particular, I'm going to be looking at what you can do

if you've got a dog with separation anxiety, a dog who can't be left,

but who also is reactive to people or to dogs.

How do you manage absences when your dog can't be comfortable

with strangers or with strange dogs?

Let's dive in in this episode.

Welcome to the Fixing Separation Anxiety podcast,

where it's all about healing your dog,

regaining your freedom and getting your life back on track.

And now, here's your host, Julie May Smith.

Hell, my dog has got anxiety.

I can't leave him, but he's also reactive to stuff.

What am I going to do?

And why does this become a problem?

Well, it becomes a problem because once you commit to

getting your dog over separation anxiety,

and I know so many of you do this,

you work out that you can't leave your dog.

So your dog cannot be left alone while you're going through the training.

But you can't get your dog to be with anybody else

because they are reactive to dogs.

So rules out the dog walker, potentially.

Or they can't go to daycare because it rules out

because they don't like people or they don't like dogs.

So that's when the reactivity and separation anxiety link

becomes really problematic.

You want to find a way not to leave your dog,

but you feel like all your options are just dead ends.

So I want to talk to you briefly today about

why I don't think that's the case.

So yes, your options are more limited,

but there are still things that you can do.

So don't give up if you've got one of these complex dogs.

Before I dive into what you can do,

I want to unpack what we mean by reactivity, by reactive,

because it's one of those words that we use all the time.

But what does it really mean?

If you use that word, what exactly is going on with the dog?

I found, and I was just in a trainer group that I run,

and I was asking, what does reactivity mean to you?

And people do have slightly different takes.

If I say, my dog barks, you tell me your dog barks,

or your dog digs in the garden,

or your dog pulls to the end of his leash,

I'm quite clear what that means.

But if you say to me, your dog's reactive,

if I say my dog's reactive, what do we both mean by that?

Here's what I think we mean when we talk about reactivity.

The first biggie is when our dog is reactive on niche.

And that word, by the way, reactive,

if you look up the dictionary definition of reactive,

it just means reacting to a stimulus.

That's all it means. It just means reacting.

It doesn't have anything more attached to it than that.

It's just reacting.

Reacting, I often think, is a way we describe our dogs

doing something that might be a bit scary to us

and that we think is inappropriate.

However, one thing to always watch,

sometimes what's inappropriate by our standards

is not inappropriate for our dogs.

They think they're doing the right thing.

All right, so that's side note on the definition of reactive.

Let's unpack what we mean when we describe a reactive dog.

So first of all, reactive on leash.

This is your classic dog who's barking and lunging

and pulling on leash, typically at another dog.

So I think when most people say my dog's reactive on leash,

they mean my dog kicks off when they see another dog on leash.

And maybe the dog's reacting to other stuff too on leash,

skateboarders or people running at them randomly, kids,

but I think for the most part people mean my dog reacts

in a way that I don't feel comfortable to other dogs when on leash.

That's reactive on leash.

The second type of reactivity that I think is fairly common

is reactive to people.

Again, unpacking that, typically what I think we're saying here

is my dog isn't comfortable around usually strangers,

usually people that my dog doesn't know.

You'll hear that classic thing where we'll say

my dog is fine with his people, he just doesn't like new people.

So he's fine with the people in his world he trusts,

but he doesn't like strangers.

But what's the behavior that we are seeing?

Now, when I think of reactive to people,

I actually don't use that term, but if I were to use that term,

I would probably be describing a dog who is fearful

and therefore has some kind of aggressive response to people,

to people it doesn't know.

But I've heard some people describe their dog as being reactive to people

when actually what their dog is doing is jumping and mouthing

because they love people,

not because they're frightened of people or feel aggressive towards people,

because they love people so much, they are so excited,

they jump, they mouth, they do doggy stuff that is appropriate to them,

but seems really way too much for us.

So two different types of reactive to people there.

One is the, I'm really upset, I'm really quite frightened,

I feel I need to get this thing to either go away or I need to run away from it,

that kind of reaction to people.

Or the, oh my goodness, these people are amazing,

I need to jump up and down, jump up and down,

and maybe mouth them and play with them, that kind of reactive.

So two very different things.

One, much harder to deal with.

The second one, the jumping up and down, mouthing, much easier to modify.

Thirdly, the other type of reactivity that I think people are talking about

is reactive to dogs off leash.

So my dog is going to start a fight at the dog park,

my dog is going to, you know, snarl and snap at any dogs coming close to them.

Interestingly again, I think this covers a number of different behaviours,

most of these behaviours aren't problems to dogs,

they're actually solutions to most dogs.

We can have dogs that hate other dogs being around them,

that are just fearful or uncomfortable, don't like dogs in their space.

And they definitely look like they are angry and aggressive with those dogs,

they are telling other dogs to back off.

But I've heard people describe their dog as being reactive to other dogs off leash

when their dog has been guarding a ball,

which is kind of, again, fairly normal,

certainly normal and ordinary behaviour as far as the dog's concerned.

Or dogs who just play really rough.

Some dogs are real rough and tumble players,

and it can look scary to us and it can look noisy and aggressive.

And we might label that as reactive,

but it's just a dog who's a bit of a rambunctious player.

The one that's more concerning and that does have an impact

when it comes to looking for care for our dogs

are the dogs who don't like other dogs around them.

They just either get fearful or upset when other dogs are around.

The dogs who are over-enthusiastic when they play

or who guard their stuff from other dogs are perhaps more manageable.

OK, so those are my three buckets.

So obviously if you've got a dog who reacts to other dogs on leash,

who is really, really uncomfortable with people,

and who even off leash cannot handle being around other dogs,

you start to think, oh, my dog is awful on leash,

I can't use a dog walker

because the dog walker likes to walk them around the neighbourhood.

That is not happening.

Then you've got the dog doesn't like other people.

OK, so the dog walker is probably out completely

because I cannot have a strange person coming into my home,

picking up my dog while I'm gone.

That is not happening.

And daycare might be really problematic

because, hey, what if they take a dislike to every single person at daycare?

So I can't take my dog to daycare if they don't like people.

And I couldn't possibly find a sitter if my dog doesn't like people

because how is that going to play out?

And then if your dog doesn't like other dogs when it's off leash,

how is it going to handle a daycare environment?

Will a dog walker take a dog like that

if they don't just walk around the street and do one-to-ones,

if they're taking a group of dogs to the park?

So it becomes really difficult to think through

how can I manage absences if I've got a dog who does any of those things,

who has any of those issues?

But there are things you can do.

All right, so let's go back to the dog who doesn't like meeting other dogs

or reacts to other dogs on leash.

You can absolutely try and find a dog walker

who will do a one-to-one in a quiet area.

I know, I know that's going to be expensive, but it's a possibility.

And the other thing, if you've got a dog who is reacting on leash,

and if you are stopping giving your dog access to other dogs because of that,

so if your dog reacts on leash and you've decided that daycare is not going to happen

because your dog is reactive on leash,

I want you to get the help of somebody who really knows their stuff

when it comes to dog aggression.

And I want you to get them to help you work out,

is your dog actually aggressive or are they frustrated on leash?

Because quite often that display that you see when they're on leash

is a frustrated response to,

I cannot get to that thing that I want to get to.

And very often those dogs are fine off leash and fine at daycare.

So if you're ruling out daycare because your dog reacts on leash,

get some help, get somebody to diagnose that for you.

There's a good chance it's just an on-leash problem,

in which case daycare opens up for you.

Okay, but your dog doesn't like people.

It's not just that they get exuberant and jumpy and mouthy,

they are frightened of people.

They are possibly even a risk when it comes to people.

However, and I've seen this done, you do have options.

Actually, I have got a dog like this.

Some dogs dislike people that they don't know,

but will warm up to people that they get to know.

So you could find a sitter or a dog walker or even a daycare setup

where your dog is gently introduced to new people

and warms up to them and becomes okay with them.

And there are some brilliant daycares and dog walkers out there

who will take on dogs like that.

Maybe you might have to look a bit harder,

but there are options.

You're going to need to find people who will widen your dog's circle of trust

and who are in on it, so they know that your dog's one of those.

They know that your dog might need warming up.

How would we do warming up?

You would definitely want to get a local trainer in to help you.

Food's going to be a big part of it.

Gradual exposure is going to be another one.

But there are ways of getting some dogs to be more comfortable with other people.

Then the same would apply with a pet sitter.

You might be able to find a specialized pet sitter

who will take your dog on, build a relationship with your dog,

maybe do a few home visits to start off with.

I know it's lots of extra work.

It might cost you more, but there are options.

If you've got a dog who is completely fearful of other people,

then you probably want to be working on that anyway

because that's restricting your life entirely.

But for a lot of strange, phobic dogs, there are degrees of fear,

and if you get the right people on board,

you can gradually increase their circle of trust.

What can you do with a dog who doesn't like other dogs?

They can't go to daycare. They can't go on a group walk.

As I said at the start, let's make sure that we're not just seeing lead frustration.

So get that checked out by somebody who really knows their stuff on that.

And then don't give up.

Do not give up just because you think your dog is a no-dog dog.

You can work with a trainer who really knows their stuff

to gradually reintroduce your dog back to dogs.

Sometimes it's just being away from dogs

and not having experience of hanging out with other dogs

because they've been sequestered that can be causing the problem.

So don't give up.

It might be that you can find a daycare where they understand more difficult dogs.

Just as they understand dogs who are difficult with people,

they will understand dogs who are difficult with dogs

and they might work on gradual introductions, safe introductions,

meeting dogs who are bum-proof,

muzzling your dog.

Training your dog to like its muzzle is not the same as muzzling, by the way.

So you want to train your dog to be happy in its muzzle.

But there are lots of different things you could explore

if you want to go from a dog who has no contact with any dog

to a dog who has increasing contact.

Maybe your dog is okay with a limited number of dogs,

in which case the pet sitter option opens up again.

Maybe you find a dog walker who specialises in dogs like yours

and will take them out one to one

and then maybe one plus another dog.

All that to say, I do think it's doable.

Do I think it's easy? No.

One last thing to consider with all of these dogs

is getting somebody to come to your home.

So for the dog who's frightened of other dogs, that would work, no problem.

So the dog that's frightened of other dogs will be fine with somebody coming to your home.

There's no dog involved.

The dog who's frightened of people,

you would have to manage that introduction very carefully

and it might take some time.

But then you might have some options.

I know I might be making it sound a bit Pollyanna,

all too possible when actually you're feeling it's impossible

and feeling very defeated.

But I have seen this done.

I've seen this done with all sorts of different dogs

with different issues with people and dogs.

So don't give up.

Last thing, though.

Which of these should you work on first?

If you've got a dog with separation anxiety

and if you've got a dog who's reactive,

which should you work on first?

I'm going to do that horrible thing that dog trainers do a lot.

I'm going to say it depends on the dog.

And you know, it really does.

It doesn't just depend on the dog.

It depends on your situation.

So if you have a dog that's frightened of people

but you find someone that is prepared to work as a sitter,

prepared to work with your dog,

then you would just manage absences with that one sitter

and meanwhile you do the separation anxiety trainer.

If you find a brilliant daycare that will take your reactive dog,

then you manage absences that way

and you work on separation anxiety training.

So it really is going to depend on what solutions you can come up with.

Neither of these problems are quick to fix

and it's hard to say which will take longer or less time

for a particular dog.

And dogs might, depending on the situation,

get over separation anxiety quicker than they get over their fear of people.

So it's going to be down to your dog.

But get your solution thinking cap on.

Think about different ways of doing this.

Don't just give up because it seems impossible.

You'd be surprised how when you get really creative about this

you can actually manage absences with a dog

who doesn't like people or dogs.

It's doable, OK?

Well, that's it from me for this week.

Thank you so much for tuning in.

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Thanks so much again for tuning in

and I'll catch you on the next one.

Bye for now.

Thank you for listening to the Fixing Separation Anxiety podcast

with Julie May Smith.

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