4 Separation Anxiety Notions You Need To Reject

As pet parents with dogs who have separation anxiety we get fed so much incorrect information

about the condition and that means that many of us come to separation anxiety training

with outdated notions that we need to let go of through no fault of our own just because

we've been given the wrong advice and I know this was me when I first started out.

I was responding to lots of advice that now in hindsight I realize was very outdated.

Many of the so-called facts about separation anxiety that we believe to be true might not

actually be so and there are four big ones that I come up against time and time again

and I want to talk you through those four in this episode today.

Hello and welcome to the Be Right Back separation anxiety podcast.

Hi I'm Julie Naismith, dog trainer, author and full-on separation anxiety geek.

I've helped thousands of dogs overcome separation anxiety with my books, my online programs,

my trainer certification and my separation anxiety training app and this podcast is all

about sharing my tips and tricks to help you teach your dog how to be happy at home alone

too.

So number one, quote, I thought he'd do better in a crate.

Okay we need to let go of this idea because yeah it's just not the case.

Now I'm not anti-crate, far from it.

I think all dogs where possible should be conditioned gently and kindly to love their

crates and we do that using an incremental training plan and using food rewards.

Crating a dog who's been conditionally and positively trained to love his crate, well

that's not cruel, that's giving a dog choice and encouraging them to be okay with being

in a crate.

I've got crates all over my house by the way.

I'd say that my dogs spend at least 50% of their day chilling in a crate of their own

choice by the way.

They take themselves off there, off to their chosen crate and snuggle away.

They can come out, they can do a swap, they can go to a bed, they can go to another crate.

It's like their own voluntary self-directed version of crate and rotate and my former

separation anxiety dog is no exception.

Percy will happily take himself off to a crate to snuggle.

I guess it just feels cosy and it feels nice and he can often be found in a crate on his

back snoring away dead bug-like but I could never and it was never possible, I gave up

very quickly on this, I could never ever leave him in a crate when we went out.

He would have just freaked and what we find is that most dogs with separation anxiety

do the same.

Interestingly they can be okay in their crate at other times but for most of these dogs

when we go out, close the door on the crate and try to leave that dog they panic.

And then some anxious dogs, some home alone dogs do love their crates and dogs who are

running away from things that frighten them, dogs who don't like thunder do benefit from

having a crate to go to.

It seems like the crate is some kind of safe place, a refuge, somewhere to hide away.

But if we think about thunder phobic dogs while they might run to their crates to hide

they are in a panic and they can switch from I want to hide, I want to escape, I want to

be in this safe space to then wanting to flee and you'll see this often if you've got a

dog with thunder phobia you might see this.

They might run to one safe place and then another noise will go off and they'll want

to switch and go somewhere else.

So it's really important if you have a dog with thunder phobia and they do have a crate

they love going to, don't close the door.

And actually in general if you want to leave your dog crate access when you go out because

you think that they love their crate, just leave the door open because guess what then

they can go in, they can hang out in their crate and it's their choice so they're not

locked in their crate in panic.

Because remember separation anxiety dogs, they're not hiding.

When they freak out often times they're in escape mode, they're freaking out at being

in the house alone and if they could escape to find you they would.

Can you see the difference?

We've got one scenario where the crate is a refuge from something scary, a place to

go when you need, when the dog needs to feel safe because the crate makes them feel safe,

the door is open.

And in the other scenario we've got a dog who wants to escape but the door is closed

then it becomes like a cell, a prison.

So if someone told you and if you haven't been told to crate your dog in order to fix

separation anxiety then yeah I don't know how you escape that one.

Because most of us who've got a dog with separation anxiety have at some point been

told that crating our dog is going to fix it.

If you've been given that advice just know that you've been misled.

It won't.

Now whether the person telling you deliberately misled you or whether they're just not keeping

up to date with the information and the knowledge we have about separation anxiety training

who knows.

But if they told you that it's not the case.

All that crating is going to do for a dog with separation anxiety is contain them.

At best it's going to limit damage he might do to the house but at worst it's going to

cause him to damage himself.

He'll either get more upset, more panicky or physically harm himself too.

If you're worried about damage to your home and I don't blame you then you need to keep

your dog under threshold at all times.

It's the emotion, it's the panic that's driving the destruction or the escape attempts.

He destroys because he's panicking and over his anxiety threshold.

If you're worried about stuff in your home instead of thinking about containing your

dog think about putting up barriers to stop your dog getting to things.

So if you're worried about your dog chewing the brand new dining table put a barrier put

an extended exercise pen around the dining table.

So think of it differently instead of containing your anxious dog prevent your anxious dog

from getting to stuff by containing the stuff.

The second notion that I hear all the time that's just not true is this, in quotes somebody

told me he will grow out of it and he'd get over it in time.

Well that can seem plausible right it can seem like it's a case of your dog just needing

to learn to settle or maybe your dog just needs to get used to a routine but sadly with

our dogs with separation anxiety they don't just spontaneously recover on their own they

need help.

These aren't the majority of dogs who while they don't like being alone they get used

to it.

Separation anxiety, dogs with separation anxiety have a pathological condition it's above the

norm they don't just get on with it.

If you just leave them to get on with it because you've been told to do that not only do you

risk your dog not recovering there's also a chance that it can make their condition

worse.

So the way to get your dog over separation anxiety is to use a combination of gradual

exposure to being left and medication to help work on your dog's wonky brain chemistry.

So a trip to your vet should be a key action for you.

The third notion that drives me up the wall, my dog is so mad at me for going out he gets

his revenge by destroying and he looks so guilty when I come home.

I know it seems like it doesn't it?

It seems like he might be guilty or he's angry with you.

You come home the house is a mess your door is chewed up and on top of that he's got that

really slinky guilty look you know the one you see on TikTok videos just like you see

in those TikTok videos and memes all over social media.

The thing is though he didn't destroy the door because he feels guilty he destroyed

the door because panic took over he's not angry with you it's not I'm going to destroy

this door because mom's gone out and she shouldn't have gone out he's panicking.

When you come back it's not guilt you think you see when you come through that door it's

fear.

Oh I saw such a distressing video the other day the poor dog is sat on a step and it's

the dog is petrified but the commentary and we see this all the time the commentary about

this gorgeous blue stuffy is this dog is guilty but the dog is cowering and what does that

body language look like it's the dog making itself smaller backing away rounding its back

and yeah kind of the things that we do when we hang our head in shame the thing is dogs

do guilt but as far as we know they don't do guilt the way that we think they do these

dogs when we come back and we're you know when we're angry but think we're doing a great

job of containing it often these dogs are just picking up on our vibes they're scared

of us they're not guilty so don't let anyone tell you otherwise your dog is not being spiteful

dogs don't do spite they're not like us they're much less complicated he's definitely not

being mean either he is just scared so don't listen to anyone who's telling you that it's

anything other than that.

Now fourth notion well my friend said a bark collar would work and I've tried the collar

but it's just not helping and lots of you might have heard this one that a bark collar

is going to fix separation anxiety I am so sorry if anybody has told you this it's outdated

it's unhelpful and it's cruel a bark collar gives the dog an electric shock with the aim

of scaring your dog into being quiet it does nothing to address how your dog feels about

being alone actually because the bark collar uses fear to suppress behavior it can actually

make your dog's anxiety worse think about it you go out your dog who panics when home

alone and who barks as a result of that panic so the emotion of the panic is driving the

barking then gets an electric shock a painful electric shock each time he barks is he now

going to feel better or worse about being alone if a child started crying because he's

scared of the dentist would you punish him physically punish him until he was quiet or

would you try to find a way to help your child feel better about going to the dentist I hope

the latter the best way to stop your dog barking or chewing or destroying or peeing or whatever

it is that your dog gets up to when you're gone is to stop the anxiety because it's the

anxiety that's driving the behavior and you can do that by gradually getting him comfortable

with being home alone if you want more advice on how to get your dog more comfortable you

can check out my resources at www.julianasmith.com

Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Be Right Back separation anxiety podcast

if you want to find out more about how I can help you further head over to www.julianasmith.com

meanwhile if you enjoyed listening today I would love it if you would head over to wherever

you listen to your podcast and consider rating my show thanks so much good luck with that

training and bye for now